Lack of clarity
If there’s anything I’ve learned from being having anxiety since I was very young, it’s that “quotes” help A LOT. Short, simple affirmations that supplement the comforting thoughts in your mind. My favorite one is “don’t worry unless there’s something to worry about”. Now, it’s a basic, informally structured sentence but it brings me that little click that reminds me that what I can’t control should be left alone. My dad was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia two years ago. He had already had it for an additional three years. Now, I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was in the third grade. I was bullied by my family and my peers for not fitting their image of a “girl”. I was deemed fat, boyish, and lazy. My dads diagnosis became the worst year of my life. There were times he’d cry at my knees to god to at least let him live long enough to see his little girl get married. This made living unbearable. I was struggling with severe anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and external factors including that, well, my dad is dying and I can’t do a thing about it. I am 18 now. I’ve been through therapy, medication, mindfulness, rock bottom, etc. Mentally, I possess more clarity than I’ve ever acknowledged in myself since I was 8. However, my dad got covid on Christmas Eve. It’s February 1st now and he still has it. He recently became hospitalized, got released, and now he’s staying at his friends house while continuing treatment at home. My world would end if my dad passed away. Im not religious so I have no entity or faith to confide in. I guess my point is, I know in order to deal with these situations is to focus on bettering myself and what I can actually control, but jeez… externalities are really screwing me over. My ED is becoming aggressive again as a way to feel like I at least have control over SOMETHING. I’m trying my best, but I feel myself slipping up, and I’m asking for preventative measures. I don’t want to fall down to rock bottom in depression again, I’ve made too much progress within my mind and body to do that to myself.
I am not a listener so this might not be a trained reply but—
I really admire your attitude towards life and its challanges, and i think i will also use your qoute from now on, i have severe anxiety issues. the qoute thing i currently use is "don't take decisions you might regret" (it helps me become a bit more decisive atleast and avoid things that "don't spark joy").
about your dad, I feel like you shouldn't believe your world will end with your dad, because from his perspective, he would only ever want the best for his daughter, he sounds like a caring dad.
some people consider marriage like "setting a person to have a life long partner to support one another". If that's the case for him then he probably just wants to make sure that your partner is good, and you end up living a peaceful life with that person. I don't think he would ever wish for you to consider this a burden, or lose your way after he is gone. (And also I hope you don't end up taking some hasty decision because of this pressure).
appearences are something that can be worked upon but sometimes, you end up having to do so much unnecessary things because of it that you just get more dissatisfied and stressed for making it happen, you might also not feel comfortable that way, (behaving how others want you). if my qoute of "no regrets" implies i will end up regretting that, (doing things way too much out of my comfort zone, not getting enough time for myself) I won't ever do it or worry about it. sadly society's pressure are hard to ignore and, if i were you, i would also be a lot stressed because of that.
i am sorry you feel forced to meet so many expectations by others, and yes, life will keep challenging your positive attitude, and the moment it slips, you will feel quite lost. please never loose your positive attitude, a good attitude can get you through so much and is quite hard to achieve at that age. and you have it. goodluck and take care.
Jeez… thank you so much. I wish I had this app when I was younger. It feels nice to be truly understood. Random people on this app care about you more than anybody in my life makes me feel. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I want you to apply the same to your life. People often give others the advice they wish someone would give themselves. We’re not alone. No matter what.
