Is there a such thing as normal?? or a point in trying to reach so called "normal"
This is the second time I wrote this. Hopefully, I figured out how to work this site this time...
I've been anxious my wholeeee life. like since Kindergarten my whole life. Once in kindergarten I was afraid to ask to use the bathroom, so I wet myself, still didn't say anything, hid it, went home and cried, still didn't say anything, went back to school, and fixed it by reminding myself to always use the bathroom during recess so I still wouldn't have to ask. I had panic attacks until I was 22 my whole life. Stopped talking for half a year when I was 13, my whole life. In highschool, I used to spy on other people's conversations and steal how and what they spoke to each other so I could sound more "normal." My whole life I've been anxious
And most of the women in my family are the same. My mom can't drive on the highway or anywhere new without breaking down, so she makes someone drive her through all the backroads until she feels comfortable. My grandma refused to leave her house for years, so we delivered groceries to her. And no one ever gets help, ever, they just help themselves as best they can and keep on pushing on. And although i'm the only one who struggles with communicating, I'm the same way! Fix what I can, avoid what I can't. I seriously pass for functional, alll the time. I am functional a lot of the time.
I'm just sick of still feeling anxious, after all this time when I meet a stranger, or have to converse with a coworker, acquaintance, teacher, anyone really (other than a close old old friend) for more than 5 minutes. It's so draining and so hard to meet ANYONE, cause I personally start freaking out 5 minutes in and "abort abort abort" start happening.
But I also feel like I've fixed myself as much as anyone else could fix me, and wonder if there's even a point in trying to become more "normal." Like what is normal. Maybe this is how "normal" it is possible for me to get, and I just need to get over/used to it. Also, this is the definition of a rambling rant. Sorry.
@NavyGrapes9755 'normal is a word with a different meaning to each person. Normal changes,, what is 'normal' today may not be 'normal' tomorrow. "norms" are according to the times in which those things became acceptable. Normal is by society's rules. Some of us don't fit into 'society' or 'society's norms'... but maybe we're not supposed to. Maybe we are outside the 'normal' range because we have a special purpose. Maybe we are supposed to challenge 'normal'... into becoming a better 'normal'. Maybe our sensitivities are here for us to help the 'normal' people understand better that there are people different from them, and that maybe they should 'see' us 'outside-the-normal' and how we perceive things. Maybe they need to see that the world could be a better place through 'seeing' and accepting those outside the 'normal' range. Maybe it would open their minds to the potential for a different, better world, through compassion. So maybe we aren't broken or wrong, but just gifted with stronger sensitivites, and maybe those sensitivites can help the world become better.
Just from what you've written, in a way, I feel that your anxiety was molded by generations doing the same thing. A lot of times, your childhood becomes your reality. Such as in my case, I grew up in an abusive home, three times. Because we grew up in that environment, my brother became violent, and my anxiety flew through the roof. Not that what you're going through is limited to this being the only reason, but it's a possibility from what you mentioned about your mother and grandmother.
Normal is a perception really. What people think is normal is what the world/society forces into our minds. Things we see on tv, in magazines, at stores, it forces this thought into our heads, puts us in a mindset that says, "This is normal." Eating soap, normal. Drawing on your eyebrows, normal. Judging, normal. Then we become another individual who just silently takes on the definition of normal whenever it changes, and we shrug it off.
I really think over time, you just have to make your own normal. We are individuals with our own minds, souls, hearts, feelings, opinions, etc. That is your "normal".
