I might've told my friend a secret that hurt her?
So in october last year I got invited to a birthday party from a girl that was in my friend group from high school (3 years since we graduated). She invited everyone from the old friend group except 3 girls. She asked me not to tell those three girls, two of them she didn't invite because they are toxic people that make everything about themselves and are just plain toxic people that she doesn't want to hold onto in her life, and the other she wanted to invite but she hadn't talked to her since we graduated so I guess she felt uncomfortable and shy toward her. She asked me not to tell them and I said I wouldn't tell.
The thing is, that third girl that she didn't invite, because of not talking to for so long, is with me in college now and is my best friend. I felt really uncomfortable with-holding a secret from her like this but I rather kept it from her because the only thing that would come out of it would be that she would get hurt from it and feel left out. I was also worried that word would spread to those two other girls that weren't invited.
Well last night, me and my best friend were talking and the birthday party accidentaly came up during our conversation and she asked why she wasn't invited and I had forgotten and said ''I think that you were in France, I can't remember if it was 2 years or 3 years ago but I think it was because she knew you weren't in the country so she didn't bother sending an invitation'' and I also told her why she didn't invite the others. Today she asked me out of the blue to send her the message that the girl sent me because she wanted to know if she had said that she was also a toxic person so I knew that she had been thinking about this since yesterday and felt hurt about the situation.
Now she is really caught up on why she wasn't invited so I sent her the fb chat from when she asked me not to tell everyone and she feels quite hurt because the reality is that I hadn't talked to that girl since we graduated either so my best friend is just really confused and hurt and she has anxiety too so I know that she is overthinking this and probably also feels betrayed by the fact that I didn't tell her.
Does anyone have any advice on what I could tell her to make her feel better? I sent her a message explaining everything, why I didn't tell her and all that but she is seening me and not relpying and I know that she probably feels horrible and this is eating her alive and I just don't know what I can say to make her feel better so I feel really helpless not being able to help my best friend.
Hey. It's always uncomfortable when you're asked to keep something from a close friend. To me, it seems like you're also a victim of circumstances as your intention wasnt to hurt your friend and you've also been upset by the situation.
Honesty does seem the best policy which is what youve done by explaining everything. If you want to follow that up then you may want to assure her that you understand why shes upset, that you really want to provide support and you value the friendship.
If youre both open about anxiety, you may want to tell her how this is affecting you and ask if she wants to describe what shes experiencing. Perhaps thatll open the dialogue again.
Remember to take care of yourself as well and if you have coping strategies for dealing with anxiety, then apply them as a lot of this is out of your control. We have a self-help guide under Path/Self Help Guides and other resources which may give you some pointers. Let me know if youd like a more information.
Take care
