I'm having trouble accepting myself.

Since forever I tried to fit in by copying others and trying to be like them,and when I wasn't I got super depressed and lonely. Such as when I couldn't study hard enough or didn't seem to care much about studying. Or when I wasn't interested in what others were at or did. My whole 19 years of life have been very confusing, I knew I was doing something very wrong but I didn't know what it was. No one helped me understand how things work, a lot of therapists sadly were useless or just bad and everyone close to me focused on what was happening on the surface of my life which made things even harder. After a lot of years of trying to get better, eliminate anxiety, and feel some joy like I used to, today I think I'm on a good road. That's all and I hope someone here helps me with that as well.