I’m a chronic overhtinker and can’t afford therapy

As the title suggests, I am big time overhtinker and I suffer from really bad anxiety of all kinds. Relationship anxiety, social anxiety, you name it and I slot likely suffer from it. A lot of my anxiety stems from past relationship trauma and my history with abuse. In relationships, I’ve almost always been cheated on, lied to, and used for attention. And once it is all said and done, the blame was all forced onto me. And this has happened so many times that I subconsciously just accept that everything is my fault. Because that’s all I’ve ever been told. My social anxiety stems from many many years of being bullied because I’m different. I have adhd and and I prefer to be quiet because I don’t like how a lot of people act in public. So now I’m afraid to talk to people and out myself out there. Which is a bad issue when it comes to getting a job. I need therapy. Really bad. Because all I’ve had for years is myself. I’ve just pushed down all my negative emotions and sometimes, it gets so bad that it busts out and I’ll have this 30 minute anxiety attack and I’ll just be on the floor crying for so long. I just can’t afford therapy. I don’t have the money. I don’t have a car. I’d go to my family but last time I opened up to them, they laughed at me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so afraid that my anxiety will ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. It’s been getting worse and worse lately and me and her have been budding heads almost every day. I’m so afraid to lose her and I have kndoynto go to for help.