Good morning, Drowning with no way out
I have performance anxiety and adjustment disorder. I’m 47 and have been married to a lawyer for 4 years now. His ex wife is using their daughter to make life hell for me. I already have all that anxiety and her constant interfering was part of the reason I had a heart attack. My husband is pushing me to be nicer to his daughter by her and I have tried. I’m in an uphill battle. Her mother tells her she doesn’t have to listen to me, she steals from me, ignores me, climbs all of her father (shes’s 8) has serious problems with personal space, doesn’t listen to anything I say. Her father treats her like a Princess and someone who can do no wrong. I receive little emotional support and have taken to disappearing when she is at the house. He gets angry at me and is pushing me to be in the room. She talks over me, does everything she can to disrupt things. I become a second class citizen or a maid when she is there.
Now my husband wants to pick up and move to Florida to get away from her mother. I hate Florida. I’m allergic to the sun. My friends and family are here in the area and I need them. He is doing everything he can to remove me from my support network.
I have begun throwing myself into my work, I talk to few people, I do my job better than anyone and am appreciated at work to the fullest. There aren’t any jobs of my skill set in the area of Florida Amd I make good money here. I love my husband but I married
him not his family and certainly not his ex wife who he talks about constantly.
@helpfulHickory7863
Hi! It sounds like you have come in to a hostile family environment, thinking you were just marrying your husband, but since he has a child he is still strongly connected to her and her mother. People often divorce because they have problems, but when children are involved the problems don't go away. I am sorry you have been dragged into it all and I imagine it must be overwhelmingly stressful, to get to the point where you had a heart attack!
I am sure the daughter could do with a friend outside the drama of her parents, but it can be so hard to connect with a child when they are taught to be difficult with you. Her mother probably feels hurt and resentful and expresses this to the child.
What are your favourite things to do that you don't usually do, and could do with a child? It might help to create a really fun activity/hobby for just the two of you, away from the drama. Given space and acceptance she might eventually let go of the difficult behaviour around you, if you feel up to this. It is quite common for children to only behave these ways around certain people, and not around others. It might be easier for you to do this with another family. Just be careful to not talk about the mother around the girl, find private places to vent!
Do you and your husband have a counsellor you can talk through the issues around moving? It sounds like he is keen to get away from the stress of the ex-wife, but might not understand how important your support network is to you and how difficult change might be. Change is so easy for some people.
Best wishes! 💛
