Feeling alone

Stay strong. You should definitely ring up your fam and have a word with them.

Even though I can't say that we share the exact same experience, I can heavily relate to the feelings of being afraid of rejection, loneliness, missing your family, and just wanting to explode that you're going through. It's really tough. Like, really, REALLY tough. The problem is that you don't want to call your family or friends and tell them that you are suffering because you don't want them to worry about you (not like they are not worried enough already). Every time you feel like talking to someone (especially if you faced something stressful or difficult) you remember that there's no one. You are on your own. Yes you still stay in contact with your family and friends back home, and yes you meet great and helpful people where you're staying. But your family and friends can't do anything from there, and the people you meet, no matter how amazing they are, can never replace what you had back there. You understand this and you know that you have to start taking care of yourself, but you feel overwhelmed. You don't know where to start. So you stop eating well, you stop sleeping well, you lose interest in everything. The only thing you want to do is to crawl to bed, grab your phone, and write dramatic depressing replies on some app to strangers who share your experience, all along knowing that no one will probably see it and it won't make any difference. You still feel lonely. You still feel sad. You still feel stuck. But that's the only thing you can do, so you do it. (I really hope you get better tho, and figure this out. I'm prying for you. Don't give up. Use the pain to guide you. And please, take your meds)