Expecting too much of myself?
I have multiple physical health conditions that have me housebound, and fairly well confined to my bedroom. And I have panic disorder with agoraphobia and OCD. (Also mood disorder-NOS, aka "you have like 5 kinds of bipolar disorders all smooshed together") I also have memory issues, to where I forget to do little things like eat or go to the bathroom. So I make lists and take notes. I have to primary lists - one's a list of things I need to do every day (shower, eat 3x, take meds 5x, etc.), the other is a list of 6 things I need to get done each day in particular, for my business, my schoolwork, and my volunteer project.
I keep feeling panicky and overwhelmed and frantic over doing things like "exercise for 20 minutes," "do something for myself," "Read for 30 minutes," and "do 3 steps on Growth Path" with boxes to color in for each of the three. 14 things on this list. And they're little things, except for my business, schoolwork, and volunteer work - I have 2 hours on my schedule blocked out for each, every day. Problem is, my anxiety and mania have been nasty lately, and it's taking 8 hours to get 2 hours of work done. Then I'm having panic attacks because I'm not doing anything on the other two projects.
I'm making lists, using alarms, setting timers, but it's all still chaos and things slipping through the cracks. Even really important things, like getting up to go to the bathroom. I have very limited use of my legs, so waiting until the last second is a very bad idea. I don't know what to do to get this all sorted out. Maybe my therapist's right, and I'm just expecting too much of myself. But I've never been very good at lowering my expectations. Thanks to OCD, I've got a strong streak of perfectionism, and I've always been an overachiever. Any help out there?
@FlamingosWearLipstick I lovr that you are organizing yourself! As you have noticed, it does sound like you expect too much from yourself. Its okay that you have to spend longer on a certain activity than you thought you would. Its okay to relax too and realize that you already are doing enough. Try to appreciate all that you were able to accomplish in the day! You are doing so well. Is there an activity you could perhaps cut back on?
@FlamingosWearLipstick
I think being an overachiever is a nice quality to have and I'm very happy that you can recognize that quality in yourself! Be careful though, if you are indeed spreading yourself too thin, making yourself less likely to complete things you set out to do, it can put a damper on your confidence and cause you some anxiety.
I can empathize with feeling some anxiety when not being able to complete some things on my to-do list. When that happened, I would organize my list in terms of importance- I would do the more important things first. This might be helpful for the items that don't include using the bathroom, eating, etc. If some of the items have equal importance and you find yourself having no time to complete these items, it might be helpful to reflect a little bit about how much time you can realistically devote to each of these items. Once you have thought about how much time you can devote to each and it's not working out, I would adjust the amount of time again and continue this until I have found a good balance.
Devoting some time to some self-care can be very beneficial to you as well. Getting a good night's sleep, some exercise, and some relaxation techniques can be helpful to keep you productive. These 3 links might prove helpful to you with some of the issues you are experiencing. They have several thought exercises and relaxation techniques.
http://www.7cups.com/anxiety-help/
http://www.7cups.com/how-to-get-motivated-to-exercise/
http://www.7cups.com/exercises/mindfulness/?showlist=1
If you ever need to chat, feel free to message me. ( http://www.7cups.com/13536364)
I hope it all goes well and thank you so much for sharing your story!
@FlamingosWearLipstick
I'm in a similar situation. I'm also bed ridden and house bound. My agoraphobia and anxiety disorders are kicking in, and it's hard to get outside without feeling abnormal, or fearing something bad will happen to you. I understand the thing about forgetting to eat or use the bathroom. I think for myself, this forgetfulness stems from prioritizing doing other things first, and then I feel like I'm too busy, or I don't have time to waste, and over time I began being enveloped in my work, and actually forget to take care about myself. I over extend myself, which is detrimental to my health, emotional and mental well being. But you need to take time to heal. You come first, because you can't do the things you want to do if you're not in the best condition you can be.