Anxious and Abandond

I feel so abandoned and forgotten about.

My first seriouse relationship, first real relationship, first long term (dated for 3.5 years), and first everything with a women ended 5 weeks ago when she broke up with me. There were many reasons why she broke up with me some being I feel into the trap of treating her like a friend and not lover over the summer, we didn't go anywhere because of corona so she got bored, she wants to find herself and who she is as a person, and she wants to experiance dating other people and not being with one person for her whole life (I was her first romantic partnet and even though I went on 1-2 dates with women before, she was my first as well)

My ex and I lived together in college and we shared a dog and adopted a cat together, but we moved back home this summer after we graduated and she kept the dog and cat because the dog was orginally hers and we didn't want to seperate the animals. Our parents live 3 minutes away from each other. She broke up with me 5 weeks ago and ever since I have been getting anxious on how this girl I would joke with being my fiance and she would do the same ended it. I use to wake up in themorning shaking, throwing up or feeling like I will throw up, and just a general not feeling well. As time went on I wouldn't always wake up feeling sick because some days are good while others are bad.

Over the weekend I found out my ex had two dates (one Friday night and one Saturday with two different people) where she wore makeup, and she never wore makeup with me. Plus one of my cats died over the weekend as well. I feel so sad and lonly and my anxioty is just so bad today. I know I can't rely anymore on my ex to help calm me down, but I still love her so I do reach out to her asking to see each other/I am having a panic attack, but I know I have to stop depending on her because she broke up with me to get space away from me, it's just so hard to move on knowing the person I would joke is ymy fiance (and vice versa) and we had talked a lot about our future is now gone along with losing not only my cat this weekend, but a dog and cat we shared.

I don't know how I am suppose to control my anxiety with all of this happening.