Am I overreacting in therapy?
Hey all
I've been in therapy for 4 months now. Things have been pretty good & I appreciate and am learning a lot with her and feel like I could make progress long term
However, a week ago there was something of a hiccup. I messaged her on the client dedicated portal if she would be up for a short convo in between sessions (we meet weekly) since something was really bothering me. I told her it could wait but that it was bothering me and if she'd have the time I'd appreciate it.
She called me but seemed kind of angry-like. Like, from the minute she picked up she seemed a little bit ticked off for some reason. It was nice that she talked (and the subject we talked about was reassuring for me) but she ended the convo by saying that, if she doesn't respond to portal messages or can't call it's not personal (which, I kind of assumed), and also that she hopes I'd develop my trust to know we could discuss such issues during sessions instead of outside during a phone call (which, I said that it wasn't mandatory in my message prior to the call so I don't understand why she'd say that)
We talked about it next session but it is REALLY bothering me. Up until that point I felt reaally at home but that kind of screwed my trust. Especially because it kind of seemed like she was blaming me something I'm not sure what I did wrong.
Am I overreacting to this? She's been great to that point but for some reason I feel so *** now. She said during next session it also might've been something on her side but I still feel so terrible about this because I really loved my time with her a lot until that point
@KittyKeats Hi. Sorry this has happened. I understand how this can be a thorny issue. I had something similar happen where I had a complaint about a scheduling mixup that I thought was my therapists fault. My therapist said he would be happy to discuss it in another session. I thought to myself, “Mr. Therapist you screwed up and now I have to pay you to complain about it!” This was years ago, but it still bugs me. He was a good therapist, pretty much life saving at the time. Anyway, therapists probably have a bit of a struggle with setting boundaries of how to interact with them especially when it is outside of their normal schedule. They might have patients who demand extra time above and beyond what the therapist planned for. I’m not saying your interaction was like that, but I’m guessing your therapist was reacting to something like that.
@hopefulPond6108
Thank you so much for the reply! Lol, the point about us having to talk about stuff that happened because of (partly) a reaction on her side is something I felt too. Like, I wanna talk about other stuff but this just felt so pressing to me. But thank you for the reply, it really means a lot to me. I do wanna talk about her getting angry (if it was that) next session because I'd feel bad having to anticipate her getting angry in the future, and I think it's important to get a sense of that, but it means a lot hearing other people having experienced something similar
@KittyKeats
Going through therapy and taking the time to address your concerns takes maturity and bravery.
It sounds like you enjoyed your time with your therapist until that matter arose. It is understandable how you feel given what happened.
Perhaps it's wasn't personal as the therapist indicated. Being human, the therapist may have been caught off guard and in a less then an ideal space also at that time.
If the therapist wasnt able to accommodate fully or it wasnt a good time It's important to communicate that professionally although with considerations.
It is also up to the therapist to set session rules or boundaries at the beginning of your sessions and as needed as well.
Is it possible to address this with your therapist to clear the air If you decide or if you no longer feel comfortable to seek out a new therapist. Either way I hope the very best for you and moving ahead!
@Nvlmi
Thank you. I wish we'd have talked about it at the beginning of therapy too in hindsight - would've been a great opportunity to explore boundaries before I overstepped them apparently.
It's been a week and I've had a session since to discuss it again but that didn't go stellar sadly, she's on vacation right now which means I won't see her again for a few weeks which is a long time. I do want to try and talk to her again about it, been reading up on boundaries and at least understand my reaction better and also what happened so there's that. My plan is to talk to her and tell her I'll at least respect her boundaries going forward (which were reasonable and I don't have huuuge issues wanting to talk between sessions anyway) and hopefully mend our relationship by also conveying how the whole thing triggered me.
Hope it'll work out since therapy had been pretty great up until that point but this felt like a reaaal occurrence (and ironically, with all things I thought might be an issue this was not one I saw coming lol)
@KittyKeats If it's still bothering you then it's perfectly appropriate to discuss in your therapy. I would seek to broaden the discussion to how this incident may have triggered a tender spot for you and what in your history is coming up. What happens in the therapist's office is often the work of therapy.
