Philophobia
I realized a while ago, I have Philophobia (the fear of falling in love or emotional attachments), or have had it for over a year now after being emotionally abused, manipulated, and hurt by someone I was in love with. Ever since, I've had this phobia, and I'm too afraid to get close to anyone. It hurts, a lot, and it feels...lonely. But I don't know how to conquer my fears and phobias, so for now i continue to isolate. I don't know who I'm writing this to, but if you have a similar phobia, you're not alone.
I suffer erotophobia, the fear of sexual intimacy...for much of the same reasons that you stated. What helps is a healthy relationship where the person understands how you are...and is willing to wait and to help encourage you...in addition to you gradually taking steps too. I can't help you formulate a plan..as I don't know your caveats..what might count as a little goal or a big one..I'm just letting you know. You ain't alone in this.
--ah and don't rely on someone else to "fix" you. That's not the right way either. Personal experience.
@WickedGrim Thank you so much, I'm glad to know that someone can relate:)