What's happening to me?
WARNING: mentions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, eating disorders, and drugs
Two nights ago I had a panic attacks but it was worse than my others. It happened when I was remembering a time when my parents were always fighting when I was a little kid and during that time I thought they didn't love/want me anymore and became suicidal and self-destructive. When I was thinking of it I felt like I was back at that time in my life to the point that I didn't know if it was really happening again. I sat in the floor for 2 hours hyperventilating. Lately that time in my life has been coming up in my mind a lot and I'll have times where I feel like it's happening and times where I can't be around my parents or even talk about them. I can't talk to teachers for the same reason because it gave me a fear of adults and I have nightmares almost every night, often about my parents fighting again and then not wanting me anymore. But my parents are good now and don't fight anymore so Why would I have these nightmares? Why is this happening? How do I cope with all this? I'm realizing all my problems in life stem from this time lately, anorexia for control, self harm and suicidal thoughts because I felt unwanted, sex and drug addiction to cope, and now panic attacks.