need help after a breakup

Hi, I'm a seventeen years old teen girl that don't know how to cope with her life after a break-up. I've never been in a romantic relationship before and my life is actually ruined. I'm left all alone without any emotional support and I can't let the past go. Also I have an depression and suspision of bipolar disorder. It's the reason why i have just install this app. I need some advices how to take care of my life and don't care anymore about the past. I can't go to the therapist because of some private family reasons, maybe in 2025.

Here is the story

In 2023 I've met a boy online. We love-bombed each other like it was the best thing ever in our lifes (that we found each others). We started a relationship that had last till the 2024. I was very happy this whole year, even if there was a lot of problems that ive mostly made. We broke up and started no contact. I've texted him one time and this ruined everything. We wasnt talking for a month and we started to be only friends because that was what he wanted. I wanted him all the time, he was texting me that he loves me anyway, but want to be only friends. This broke my heart even more, cause he told me he don't want me anymore, he said he don't want to love me and started texting me less times than he used to. He told me he dont want to love me but he was trying to made me feel better telling me that he loves me. I've left him in june, ended this whole friendship thing. We have no contact, ive blocked him everywhere. I think im starting to hate him. Now i even suspect that there is another girl and i have some evidences. I have a jealousy problems and he hated that and i think its one of the reasons why he dont want me anymore. I dont know what to do with myself now. Im trying to accept everything that happend, trying to not think about it, but its too hard for me. This whole relationship really traumatised me, its making me cry everyday. I have panic attacks and started to isolate myself from my only one female best friend that is also online. I feel like part of me died and like ive lost my whole world. The story of the end started in february 2024 and i know time helps with dealing with the problem because im better than i was. I still love him even if i dont want to. I want to stop but i dont know how. Ive gave too much, thats why its my fault, but it just happend and i cant return the time. I know that i need to stop thinking, but its hard for a overthinker like me.

Can anyone tell me what should i do to cope with all of this pain and the lost? I know i need to focus on hobbies, living the things that are now and trying to be happy with myself, just working on myself. But its very hard and i dont have any support in the form of a person, which makes me very lonely. The loneliness makes me going insaine. Im used to this feeling because i feel lonely my whole life, then someone exit my tower and leave. Its hard for me to make new friends, because i live in the middle of nowhere, i dont know how to socialize. What should i do?