Trouble letting go of the past

I’ve had a very Trumatic childhood. My so-called father, if you will was not the nicest man from trying to kill my mother, and I on numerous occasions, using weapons, such as his fists inanimate objects around him, as well as even rifles. Somehow he always got away with his crimes, he faced minimum sentences when he is a three time felon with the same charges, he’s even had a two hour standoff with the police and swat team, where he is discharged his weapon in front of them. Somehow he always gets away with it and it haunts me every single day. He’s out of jail as of June 1 of this year after serving only seven years of a 60 year sentence with 30 years add it on to that as a continuance sentence. Seven years is what he got sentenced and I got to live the rest of my life with being so anxiety riddled that sometimes it’s almost impossible to go out in public to do the simplest tasks. I’m a musician, so it kills me not to wanna be up on that stage anymore but my anxiety has gotten so bad from repressed memories that are Haunting me to this day. I wake up every day, and I tell myself that I’m not him, but there are moments that my anger from remembering the hurt of the past takes control and I become somebody that I don’t like and it reminds me of how he used to treat my mother and I. It reminds me of all those painful memories because I don’t wanna become that man. I’ve never hurt anybody physically but I have hurt people, emotionally. I was even put in jail because my anger took the best of me and I trashed the place. And I know that it sounds like I’m trying to blame this on my father and I’m not. I know I have issues and I want to work on my issues. He never did that for himself. I want to turn my damaged goods in the some light for the world like a dented can of food going to a food shelter. I want to become that can of food that makes everybody around me happy. I don’t want to cause pain I don’t want to say things I regret I don’t want to live with the haunting memories of my past. I need to find a way to move past this in a positive way, but it’s so hard when my mind gets clouded by the memories And I feel like I don’t have anybody to talk to you because everybody has always abandoned me throughout my life from friends to family members. I always get left alone somehow or someway I want people to forget who I was in the past with my anger and say wow, he really improved himself and I can really see a positive difference , because I also feed off of what other people think of me so I need to change that image by changing the actions that they have seen in the past. I’m not sure how this app works but if this is a true therapy app, that can help me grow where I can get all of this stuff off of my chest that I have never talked about before in a safe space then I’m willing to give it a try.