Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
Hey people, I just have some things I'd like to share.
My mental health has been gradually improving over time. As such, its lead me to continually re-evaluate how I think and interface with reality. As far as I can remember, I've had this acute feeling with social interaction, that it's like walking a tightrope. Having learned about my ADHD, particularly its correlation with RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), wherein the feelings of rejection are intensified, I have to think that this has been one of the main drivers of my social anxiety.
When I say walking on a tightrope, I mean that I assume my presence is a burden by default. Before talking to people my mind is already swimming in the inevitability that they will find fault with something in me. This notion is intimidating enough that I've lived most of my 24 years as a hermit. It's not that I have a thin skin, but I don't particularly enjoy the intensity of my negative emotions.
I don't doubt a lot of this belief has to do with my upbringing as well. Yet, I am here writing this. That's something I likely wouldn't have bothered with before.
@InvisibleChrysalis
Hello Chrysalis! I remember when I first came to this website, I was a mess of bad anxiety and ptsd but I found help here and so will you. 😀
Blessings, Day
I also tend to think that my presence is a burden. I also usually think that everyone I get close to will either eventually get *** at me. Or tired of me. Or just plain annoyed by me and leave.
So I understand what you are feeling. Mine is also due to my upbringing.
I'm also codependent, though I have worked thorough a lot of my issues, and so when I'm around other people my instincts are to assess what they want from me and to become what they want. It's exhausting and I feel the only way I can really totally relax is by being alone. I'm way better than I used to be but I don't know if it's something I can totally overcome. I think it's one reason I find chatting online so much easier. I don't pick up the other person's emotions as much so I can be more myself.
I'm glad you are here and we can relate. 🙂