Not wanting to be home *content warning, self-harm*
I got home from work about an hour ago but I stayed in the car not wanting to go inside. I've had several anxiety attacks today and, when I was driving home, I started to self-harm.
I don't do it that often anymore, so when it happens, it scares me.
My boyfriend is waiting for me, I told him I would be home late, he hasn't seen my car yet (I didn't park so close), and I don't wanna go inside because I don't want to get him down, specially because tomorrow it's his birthday. He does so much for me... I don't want to be a burden and I don't want to worry him with me self-harming again.
I wanna be better for me, for him, for the people who truly care about me... But I just don't know how, I can't seem to make it happen, and when I think I'm starting to come out the dark place, something pushes me back inside.
@laumarie6
I'm sorry that you go through this. ☹️
Maybe try to start Journaling, writing poetry, or even coming on 7cups to talk about it. I have no idea what you go through or why you keep coming back to this dark place that you speak of. Be aware that your not a burden. I am pretty sure that your bf wants to make sure you are good, just as you would want to make sure he is. The good part is that your aware and that you want to get out of this dark place. Find something you enjoy or something that makes you happy. When you get anxiety attacks, maybe try some deep breathing or thinking of happy memories that are nostalgic or relaxing to you. Sometimes when I'm upset I write things on a paper, crumble it up and rip it 😵💫..or I just cry because crying can be good for you. This world is quite complex but know that you are never alone. I wish the best for you😊💚
@laumarie6 hugs you ❤ don't blame yourself😞it's not your fault your ill. Mental health is a very very hard thing to have to deal with. Just go inside. I'm sure your partner would be more worried if he doesn't know where you are. 😞 it won't ruin his birthday, cause it's not your fault. Hugs you again ❤ wishes your partner a happy birthday