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Is this more than anxiety?

neonSummer8296 August 16th, 2023

My husband has been complaining about not being able to focus for very long, to the point that even a bit of a distraction (like the dog barking) is preventing him from focusing enough to do well on a 2 hour exam. He has other issues that I’ve seen a considerable improvement in since we started dating (2 years ago), and even the focus issue may partially be from the aggressor coming back into the picture, but his sister seems to think something is very wrong with him and he has much bigger issues than anxiety. I personally think, and this is from experience, that the more you believe something is wrong with you and that’s just what you have to deal with, the more likely it is to manifest. The more you tell yourself “I have anxiety and this is just how things are with me” the more likely you are to blame everything that goes wrong on ‘just being that way’. And someone else repeatedly saying that to you also has a similar effect when you start believing it. Btw, hubby also got evaluated by a therapist who stipulated he might have anxiety and adhd but nothing majorly wrong otherwise.


What do y’all think? Is it just anxiety and possibly some adhd or is something much worse going on?


Some context:

My husband has anxiety that partially originated from his dad’s controlling behavior, temper tantrums, and abusing his wife (my husbands mom). I think it was made significantly worse by a traumatic event that took place where some goons showed up at their place and broke all the furniture, beat up his parents, and tried to stab his dad. That happened when he was around 14-15 (he’s in his early 30s now).


As a result, he has anxiety, issues with anger (goes from 0 to 100 before you even know what happened), and major issues with focus. I’ve seen a considerable improvement with the anger issues at least, and he would tell me his focus and anxiety is also much better now but he’s been a little off his game lately since the guy that ordered the hit on his parents all those years ago has come back into his parents life, mainly to apologize and eventually ask for money.

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hopefulPond6108 August 17th, 2023

@neonSummer8296 Sounds like a very real trigger for anxiety with this person coming back around. The therapist is best to evaluate the diagnostic labels. I agree with your idea that “identifying with” a label or being told your past behavior is something “baked into” your personality is not very useful.

1 reply
neonSummer8296 OP August 17th, 2023

@hopefulPond6108


thank you for the reply, I appreciate it! Yeah that person coming back is definitely a trigger, though I think the fact that his parents let that person back into their home is a bigger one.

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