Anxiety (the truth)

I've had it all my life I think. I didn't call it that for a long time because it didn't present as it looks to other people. You know like I'm very quiet so my anxiety it looked like me smiling. You know that meme of the person sitting in the car and it says screaming inside that's what my anxiety looked like. I only called it anxiety the last five years if that. I've realised these past well year really that my anxiety is because of other people. Like right now for example I'm anxious because the gas and electricity needs to be paid. I sent a message saying this to the people in my house but I've heard nothing. The bottom line is I hate relying on other people for money. I'm also anxious because of my universal credit appointment tomorrow. Like really other people are the problem. I spent my life thinking or trying to convince myself to get over it. I was considered shy as a kid (btw, I now know it was autism) my thinking was I just need to do better. I just need to get a better environment. I truly need to remove the things which include people that are causing me pain. I need to be around people who feel the same as me.