ADHD and ADD: Share Your Story

@JessHobson

Thanks so much for starting this thread!

ADHD is typically thought of as a "disorder" but I don't think I have a disorder. Everybody has strengths and weaknesess, whether or not they have neuropsychiatric conditions.

Although I face challenges associated with it, my ADHD has helped me overcome them! I was diagnosed late which is common in people identifying as female or who might have done well academically in school. I still face challenges despite that, and my ADHD is valid, even if I'm not a hyperactive little boy running around a classroom and causing trouble. In fact, some of the greatest minds are thought to have had ADHD: Mozart, Einstein, Da Vinci are some examples.

I wouldn't trade my brain because I like the way I am, even if I do struggle sometimes. I'd say my ADHD has made me a lover of learning, a generalist, and a critical thinker who is creative, curious, resilient, brave, energetic, and empathetic among other things.

Having ADD is such a punishment if your family is unsupportive.

My family behaves in the worst way possible with me because I fail in doing things.

They too have mental problems. But, they got married and had kids, so they find themselves successful enough.

It feels like people think I’m weird and I’m doing the best I can

ADHD feels like having my brain on ALL the time! Always thinking and planning and imagining. I also love the child-like enthusiasm it brings me. My emotions are intense and I mostly love that. It's a great counterbalance to social anxiety, in that sometimes I just blurt things out and start conversations.

I've only recently been diagnosed so I'm still learning about myself/ADHD 😊

✨🦊✨

Honestly for me, ADHD is an enigma; it is both a curse and a gift. I was diagnosed with ADHD-PI (aka ADD) when I was 33 years old. I was never diagnosed as a child because it is often overlooked in girls and women because our presentation is much different from that of boys and men. I was bullied and picked on as a child because I lacked social cues and I failed to "fit in" with everyone else -- a square peg trying to fit into a circle hole. I was labeled as "lazy" and "bright and has so much potential if she would just apply herself." I also had trouble making and keeping friends.

My diagnosis was partly relief and partly anger. I finally had an explanation for everything that I had been told my whole life was "wrong" with me, but I was angry because if I had been diagnosed as a child, I could have had proper supports put in place and would have never had to struggle as much as I do as an adult.

My ADHD has always been a curse because it makes me struggle in areas that others don't such as executive function and self-motivation. I have to work 100 times harder than a non-ADHD person just to get half the results. My ADHD behaviors constantly put me at odds with others in the workplace. I am constantly told by my spouse that I "come off as a bitch sometimes" and my supervisor just asked me to resign my teaching position due to my "tone," even though she is fully aware that I have ADHD. I have so much trouble with emotional regulation that it often gets me in trouble. And what sucks is that people do not understand that ADHD is so much more than not being able to focus and constant distraction.

However, my ADHD is a blessing in some ways. I am an insanely creative writer. My non-linear way of thinking allows me to analyze issues from more than one perspective and empathize with others. I often come up with brilliant solutions to problems that others may not have thought of. I am also naturally curious, which makes me a good teacher and a lifelong learner. In fact, I am certified to teach three of the four main content areas: English, history, and science. I have a vast array of interests, and I am not afraid to try new things. I even earned my private pilot's license and can fly small airplanes. My "take no prisoners" way of standing up to wrongdoing directed at myself or those I care about has often been effective at getting bullies to think twice before messing with me again. I have also learned resilience. Although failures often have caused setbacks, I have learned not to give up and use my failures to better myself.

@JessHobson

Glad to find this group.

It was suggested in the spring that I may have ADHD when I had a counseling appointment based on how I handle certain things. In looking into it further, and doing the self-assessments that doctors and counselors use, it seems clear that I do and have struggled with it since my childhood. And I'm in my early 50s now.

So now I'm waiting for a doctor's appointment to see what my options are for medications, and am working with my husband on how to adjust each other's expectations of how I do things. We'll be going to the counselor in July once I start medication.

In the meantime, I'm plugging along, finding music to help me focus, and being more forgiving and gentle with myself -- while not letting myself off the hook if I don't do something. And I want to set a better example for my 10-yr-old daughter.

Lots to learn...

I started medication a couple of months ago and never knew that I could feel so much less exhausted everyday. It’s still a struggle but I’m definitely better.

Since I was diagnosed a little later I feel like I have to hide it from a lot of my friends and family members because they wouldn’t understand. I also feel like I don’t fit in anywhere, and in general like my friends don’t understand me.

I have a lot of trouble falling asleep still.

I also feel like an imposter constantly. I try to set goals beyond what is possible to achieve as a way to compensate for some of the places I fall short and then feel bad when I inevitably can’t accomplish them.

This all sounds negative but I’m definitely in a better place than I have been and I have hope for the future in improving more.

@JessHobson I'll preface this thread by saying my wife is very well educated, smart and very successful at her career, however our marriage/relationship has been very rocky at times. I am a pretty chill person, educated, smart, driven, lively but not up for drama--I also have controllable anxiety which I take meds for. We also have two kids who are 6 and 8 years old. My wife of 12 years has ADHD. Her ADHD causes challenges in our relationship and I need advice/help/thoughts navigating them. The reoccurring issues surrounding our marriage/relationship and my wifes ADHD are:

- She says literally whatever is on her mind in the moment, which is good and bad. If what she says comes across as degrading to me I usually can shake it off, but sometimes I cannot and respond back verbally saying I didn't appreciate something she said, etc--which can create issues. Also, because she says whatever is on her mind/her opinion she can come across as a "know it all" or even aggressive to people outside of our marriage.

- She has gotten to the point where I cannot verbally share with her my feelings with her regarding if I feel slighted by something she said or did to me. If I do share, she often gets upset, won't hear me out, doesn't say sorry or even threatens for us to get a divorce, live in separate homes, etc.

- The day after making verbal threats like we should get a divorce, live in separate homes, etc--she doesn't address the threats, it's like she never said it. She has made these divorce/separate home threats about 3-4 times a year for the last 5 years--yet in that 5 years we have continued to buy/sell homes, go on family vacations, celebrate anniversaries etc. I usually don't bring up her threats again because in the past when I do, she gets upset our doubles down on the threats again.

There are the biggest ADHD challenges we have currently and I need advice/help/thoughts please. Thank You

@JessHobson One more question I have...My wife who has ADHD, takes Adderall for focus when she goes to work--but that's it, doesn't take meds at home. This seems to be an issue as she has emotional regulation type issues at home with me and our kids. What meds are available for this and you take them every day correct?

Sticking to a routine. I find myself always making lists or doing things in a way that I think will help me remember things that I need to get done. For example laundry can be an all day task for me if I do not monitor that activity with intent. I’ll start laundry but dive into a box or an area of the house I wanted to get some focus on. By the time I finish my little corner moment projects, it’s been three hours, still haven’t moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer but might have to wash that same load again due to an odor being caused from not moving the laundry fast enough. Two or three loads takes me ALL DAY to go and clean. I’ll put everything away neatly once I get a load done but to start and finish within a decent time has always been a struggle for. Along with other areas of my life.

i am not on any medication for ADHD but feel as tho it could help me out for life things like household chores.