Hurt and lost

Hi, my partner has just ended our relationship and I’m feeling...raw, hurt, lonely, sad and guilty for feeling a little relieved. He’s 58 and has been a high functioning alcoholic for at least 30 years. Most of the time he’s pleasant company, intelligent, artistic and loving BUT...he has a flip side. I’d gotten to the stage where I could see the flip coming but still couldn’t help him to prevent it. He becomes agitated, a little picky and snippy then he goes into a full blown rage. The rage is verbal but gets very nasty. In that state I’m never good enough, I’m not affectionate/loving/sexual/grateful enough, I don’t know him or understand him and he’s adamant that I don’t love him as a person. In that state he’s left at least 5 times over the last 2 years. Yesterday he left again, this time while I was at work. He sent a message to say it’s over. I’m feeling hurt and rather lost but also a little relieved. I’m going to seriously miss him and the wonderful kind parts of our relationship but I won’t miss the dark patches. I feel dreadful because I love him, my adult children like him, my life will be changed and because I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I don’t want to be this hurt again though either. How do you go on? Move forward and put yourself and your own mental health first?