Codependency (Adult Children of Alcoholics)

Hi lovely people,

It's great to see so many people reaching out here.

I don't know where to put this thread, so I'm creating this Q&A. (@dancingStrawberry34, @Laura, perhaps a separate forum section for codependent people would be nice?)

I'd like to reach out today and ask - how would you support an ACA/ACOA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic) friend, while being an ACA yourself?

I have been raised in a family in which alcohol addiction devastated everyone, the problem has always been denied, and nothing has been done to solve the problem, and the bomb is still ticking. For that reason, I think can understand people with similar experiences.

Recently, my friend has confessed about having some serious issues with her father. The man has had drinking problems all his life, and every time he fails her, he says he's sorry, promises to take some magic pills that supposedly make you sober for life, and often tells her that he knows he lets her down, hence says he has 'no willingness to live anymore.'

As I personally don't give people advice, I won't tell her what to do. Especially when the situation is so complex. I just offered her a friendly ear to listen to her probs and shared some addresses/contact info of professionals. But I'd like to find some explanation to his behavioural patterns and listen to your stories and experiences.

What are the tricky ways of alcoholics manipulating their family members?

Is every alcohol addict a narcissist, gaslighter or a manipulator?

Where is the line between empathy and being a victim?

I know addicts suffer very much as well, and may feel secluded and left out, since breaking the circle is not easy. I'd just like to learn more about the mechanisms behind alcoholics' behaviour and be able to shed light on ACA-related issues of mine and my friend's.

[Note: As I realise not everybody is willing to label themselves as ACA/ACOA for the fear of stigma (I refrain from labelling myself ACA as well), I think realising that codependency really is a problem in alcohol-related problems. In my country, for example, therapy sessions and support groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics are a vital part of Addiction Treatment Centres.]

Love,

GE