I’m addicted to pornography and self harm

!trigger warning!

mentions of self harm, alcohol, vaping, smoking, and masturbation

I started self-harming near the beginning of the school year because I was stressed, didn’t know many people, felt alone, and thought everyone was prettier than me. I despised the way I looked. I’m not of age to drink, vape, smoke, etc. Cutting was the only way for me to release anything, along with ***. These became the only things I enjoyed doing. After a while, I felt disgusted with myself, which fueled me to self-harm more. Like most addictions, small, innocent scratches with an eyebrow razor were not enough. I started cutting until I bled, and now I cut until I reach the styrofoam layer under my skin. I hate who I am, and every coping skill I’ve been taught or recommended doesn’t work, I feel hopeless.

update

i wrote the previous paragraph a week or so ago, I am now getting help, and I’m in a PHP (partial hospitalization program) I start on Wednesday and the time is 9:45 - 3:30, and it’s Monday through Thursday, I spend the day doing therapy and stuff like that, but I get to go home unlike an IPH (inpatient hospitalization)