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I couldn’t make it past 9 days
Fiovia July 4th

I’ve thought my nicotine addiction was bad, yet I only made it 9 days (alcohol) sober. Kind of going through a breakup, kind of getting out of depression. But I didn’t realize my alcohol issues were this bad. I’m now typing as I drank about 4 shots just to deal with the fact my ex-situationship also best friend now has a girl he likes and tells her all the things he once told me. I tried journaling. I exercised (volleyball). I did the breathing exercises. It was either throwing up or drinking because nicotine couldn’t help either. There’s a long line of alcoholism in my family. Am I doomed? I’m so competitive and not even breaking my streak saved me from going at it again. The worst part is that the only reasons I want to stop is beacause of anemia and the deep and awful depression it sends me on the day after. I need it to cope with depression but after it feels like ***. I feel awful about engaging again.

2
PineTreeTree July 4th

@Fiovia You made it 9 days and that’s good. On day 10 you were facing some tough emotions. So you made a decision to handle that with alcohol. You learned again that alcohol isn’t the best solution. A better solution is facing your tough feelings. No human escapes tough feelings. So I’m going to suggest you don’t pile on more bad feelings about drinking. You did it. It’s done. Move forward. Another 9days? No, another one day. A single day is the only day that counts. Today! Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. 


Try to be with the feelings you have. If they get to tough to bear, try to distract yourself. Breathing, meditation, exercise, eating, sleeping. There are many things you can do to get through that one day. Each day makes you more skilled. Each day makes you more of an adult when it comes to handling your feelings. Be KIND and GENTLE with yourself when you’re thinking about how bad this sucks and how bad it feels. Be like a loving parent is to their distressed child. And try to learn to disengage from the story in your head - like this person did this to me or this thing happened and I failed to handle it well or whatever the story might be. We get caught up in the story and then we are drinking because of it. There may be some truth to these stories but not so much that we ruin today by hurting ourselves with alcohol. 

If you try these things and fail, you’ll have the same path to try again. It doesn’t get any different. It will be back to one day to face. One day at a time. That probably doesn’t sound encouraging. So here is the encouraging part. There are a million things you can do with your life. Feeling good about yourself is nice and can sometimes even be quite like a really interesting adventure. And five days, 5 years, five decades from now you won’t be worried about any “little” story that’s in your head. While that story lives in your head it can be quite large and daunting. That is how the mind works. Everyone’s mind, not just your own. When we are upset the mind is laser focused on our troubles and it talks us into adding more - the “what if” scenarios, the “I should have” scenarios, the “ nothing ever works out for me” stories. The artifacts in the mind are like smoke. It’s not “real”. Hurting yourself with alcohol is real. So the question is, will you fight the boogie man, this smoke, this illusion by hitting yourself in the head with an actual solid bottle? 

You made a mistake. The remedy is to love yourself by doing good for yourself. You may be scared and thinking you don’t know how to do that. But you will figure it out. Start again. Your present is worth it. Your future is worth it. YOU are worth it. Remembering to be gentle and kind to yourself will remind you to have faith in yourself. Your inner self is wise and knows what to do. 
Fiovia OP July 4th

I really appreciate your words, I sometimes forget to see it’s not a remedy but poison and that I’m worth better.

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