This forum post is based on the discussion held on September 4th, 2015 at 2PM EDT hosted by @ItsLee and @RideaRainbow in the Guided Discussion Room on the topic: Sex, Sexuality and Sexual Health

Disclaimer: Although I (Alicattt) was not able to attend this discussion, I have reviewed the entire transcript and have made an outline on what was discussed to share with everyone!

Trigger Warning: This discussion involves subject matter such as sex, sexuality, and sexual health. If you are uncomfortable with any of the subject matter, its okay! We understand that these topics arent the easiest to talk about.

Sex, Sexuality and Sexual Health Discussion

Hosted by @ItsLee and @RideaRainbow

Outlined by @Alicattt

IceBreaker

What is one myth about sex that you can think of?

Myths can cause a lot of harm if people dont learn the truth. Here are some of the myths specifically about sex that are common:

You cant get pregnant on your first time and that sex doesnt mean anything. @Kallie112358

You cant get an STD with a condom, and having a loose vagina means *fill in nasty remarks here.* @heartsNcupcakes

That it has to be between a man and a woman. @RocketsMom

Penis has a bone in it. @AnonymousWriter13

That sex is something you need and that guys are always into sex, or that girls arent. @FrostFire45

That a man can't be unwilling. @aShhhley

That someone's personal worth can be dictated by the number of sexual partners they've had @ScintillaNyx

Discussion Questions

What does sexuality mean to you?

Sexuality can have a different meaning to different people because of their background, education, opinion, or even experience. For me, I go by the dictionary and say that sexuality is who you are attracted to. These were some of the other responses: sexual preference/behavior and how we see ourselves relating to others.

Why do you think sexuality is so hard to talk about?

There are a variety of factors that make it difficult to talk about sexuality. These are a few of the many: its personal/intimate, judgment from others, disagreements, society standards, vulnerability, religion, culture, personal traumas, and shame.

I think the difficulty depends on your environment. I find it very easy to talk about mine with family/friends. @Kallie112358

There is still a stigma that we should be ashamed of our sexuality, and because each person is different there is often a fear that if we talk about our own personal sexuality people may find it too weird. @violet53

It's also an awkward thing, no matter the circumstances. Sex is viewed as awkward - sometimes even while having it. @MedicChic

People fear the things that they dont understand, so the society tends to invalidate things that dont go with the the norms. @burntbugs

It's just awkward. Have you ever tried to talk about your period around a guy? Unless they're super mature the conversation turns to "ewwwwww" and then no one wants to talk anymore :/ @AdVictoriam

What would make it easier to talk about sex and sexuality?

A few simple things could make this topic a lot easier to talk about such as being more open about this, and working to end the stigmas around it. Although, its also important to realize that there may be a reason why its difficult to talk about, and thats okay too. Sometimes it is better to keep things private.

Equality, not just amongst gender, but all around in general. @AnonymousWriter13

If you fit into a set label it makes it easier. When you are on the fringes it can be harder. @Kallie112358

I think another thing that might help us feel more comfortable about it is if it was portrayed differently in the media. It's always so scandalous, and portrayed in an over-the-top way. @ItsLee

I think it's also household based. Parents try and keep their kids from having sex when they're teenagers, etc. Or if they do, keep it safe. Your openness with the topic, like a lot of other things, can relate to how you were raised. @MedicChic

I think sometimes your sexuality etc need to be private though, not everyone wants to hear about it @AnonymousWriter13

Why do you think there are so many expectations about sex?

Expectations, expectations! We get them from many different places: porn, media, parents, peers, and so many more. These expectations can be both good and bad, but its important not to let these expectations get in the way of our sex life.

We are in a world where cultural and religious diversity is welcome in most places. With those diversities come different views on sex. @MedicChic

People don't talk about it so there are all these assumptions made. @Lulu2015

Sex is becoming such a casual thing lately so the way that I see it, people are becoming more expectant of people to put out. @aShhhley

Guys tend to be obsessed about how well endowed we are. @FrostFire45

The media says only conventionally beautiful people have sex. @ScintillaNyx

Its just one of those things that as a species we enjoy and require every now and then. @AnonymousWriter13

Sex is a big deal only when approached improperly. @MedicChic

Does who you have sex with determine your sexuality?

Again, this is a question dependent on the person. Personally, I dont think who you have sex with determines your sexuality, but your sexuality defines who you have sex with. Ultimately, its however a person wants to interpret it.

I think we define our own sexuality and that definition is what counts. Sometimes we have sex for different reasons than attraction. @ItsLee

Who is it easiest to communicate with about sex and sexuality for you? Why?

Everyone has people they confide to for different things. Some people felt comfortable talking about sex with their, mom, partner, friends, and family. However, some dont feel comfortable talking about it with anyone except their cat. A large part is because of your comfortability with this person, families can pretty much talk about anything, or a close friend (although not all).

Whats the first thing that comes to mind when you think about the term: Sexual Health?

This is different for everyone, but some answers were: STIs, consent, disorders, addictions, education, and fertility issues.

Keeping sexually active but with the right people for you, STIs, making sure you are satisfied sexually and not frustrated because that causes so many other terrible things. @aShhhley

Sexual health means general health to me. @Kallie112358

Having a good relationship with your own sexuality. @ScintillaNyx

How do you gage consent?

Consent is always a relatively touchy subject, whether it should be or not. Besides age and state of mind, I say there is no consent until consent is given.

Read their body language and listen... dont lose control of the situation. @AnonymousWriter13

Consent is the ability to say no, and the other party respecting your wishes. @mscoxie

I think that consent is the lack of removal of consent. @Kallie112358

To me, consent is the absence of a no, and the presence of an (enthusiastic) yes. Whether in body language, communication, etc. @ItsLee

I think consent is needed each time. @Kallie112358

It has to do with a mutual mindset of being in it too. I mean even if youre with a female/male you love and they kind of pressure you into it when you dont want to. I dont consider that consent. @heartsNcupcake

If you can't ask because they might say no, that should be ringing alarm bells. @ScintillaNyx

What do you think are some barriers to getting the right information on sexual health?

Sexual health is starting to become more available, but we still face barriers. Some of those include: yourself, lack of knowledge, others, media, friends, porn, culture, and religion.

What do you feel is something you have learned or were inspired to think about from today?

I was inspired to think a lot more about consent in ‘gray area situations. @ItsLee

I want to be a dominatrix! @AnonymousWriter13

I didn't realize it could be talked about so openly… @SadSpaceman

I think that it is all down to us to teach the next generation and I have been inspired to talk more openly about it with my kids. @Kallie112358

I feel like these kind of discussions help me open up about sexuality which is important when seeking health information. @heartsNcupcakes

I learned that talking is the key factor. @RideaRainbow

I am inspired by everyone who didn't share the same view but was able to be accepting and understanding, that is what is going to help in getting everyone to learn about sexual health, etc. There are no cookie cutter answers when it comes to sex. @violet53

A HUGE thank you to @ItsLee and @RideaRainbow for hosting this great discussion, and a BIG thank you to everyone who participated!

Participant list: @Kallie112358, @heartsNcupcakes, @RocketsMom, @AnonymousWriter13, @FrostFire45, @aShhhley, @ScintillaNyx, @burntbugs, @TortueDesBois, @placidHemlock5302, @violet53, @MedicChic, @Lulu2015, @passionateFarm4025, @Alwaysasleep, @staystrong2222, @AdVictoriam, @PumpkinPieTime, @BananaCat12, @mscoxie, @dengue765, @cyanSailboat5642, @Eubreaux, @SadSpaceman

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