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The River

GlenM January 25th, 2023

We are going down the river of life in our kayak. At the start, it may feel unnatural or a little clumsy. Maybe we lose our paddle or get stuck on rocks, but with more experience we gradually learn to read the water.

With a little more experience we can begin to feel the current pulling us. Sometimes we might not want to follow the current. Instead, we might have our eye on a beautiful spot across the water on the side of a river bank. Many of us will work really hard to cross the river to get to that spot. It will require a lot of extra paddling because we are going against the current.

One sad, but instructive experience happens when you finally make it to that hoped for spot and realize it is not as good as you had imagined. You were sure it was going to be beautiful, but somehow it fell short of that beauty. This is frustrating because it took so much energy to get there.

Some of us are stubborn, slow to learn, or both, and we have to make this same mistake many, many, many times.

Eventually, however, we too learn how to read the water and follow the current. Sometimes the current leads us right past the spots we wanted to go and then surprises us around the bend with a far better spot. These are great situations. Oddly, even though we shouldn't, we often give ourselves credit for finding the new spot, when most of the credit should go to the current. Still, these are great times and should be deeply enjoyed because they do not happen all the time.

Other times the current can lead us down more treacherous waters with rocks, eddies, and sticks that can be tough to navigate. Sometimes we lose a paddle, flip the kayak and get wet. In particularly tough times, we may even get injured. We don’t usually take “credit” for our role in these situations and instead happily blame the current.

Why do these more challenging times happen?

I believe they happen so that we can learn. Nobody wants to feel the anxiety, difficulties, and sometimes pain that happens during these times, but these are indeed the times that teach us the most skill. We don’t learn to become master kayakers when the river is smooth. We learn how to be master kayakers on the rapids. Adversity challenges us to overcome.

So, what is the right approach?

The approach is one that goes against our natural impulses. It can sometimes feel like it goes against everything that is within us, especially when it is painful and not what we had hoped for. The stoics were master kayakers and they have a statement, “the problem is the path.” They encourage us to steer into the challenges and to trust the current. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages us to see the challenge as an opportunity to learn to solve a problem that we’ve been ignoring. These are wise words.

Abraham Maslow, another master kayaker, tells us to go further. He instructs us to see the challenges as a gift, to embrace them like we would a friend, to listen deeply and carefully to what they are telling us, to listen to their whispers. He encourages us to see the challenges as ends in and of themselves; and warns us not to look past them as a means to an end. He wants us to see and appreciate them for what they are – independent, difficult, and beautiful experiences.

The river of life brings us smooth, deep, and troubled waters. Thankfully we do not paddle alone. We find other kayakers on the water that also teach us lessons. Most of the lessons come down to following the current rather than insisting on our own plans. This key lesson is a lifetime lesson.

Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?

I’m thankful that I have found all of you on the river. Thank you for paddling alongside me 🙏✨❤️.

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DraytonWantsToHelp January 25th, 2023

@GlenM what a lovely write.

2 replies
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@DraytonWantsToHelp thank you! Anything you would tell a friend that is going through some rough waters?

1 reply
DraytonWantsToHelp January 25th, 2023

@GlenM I am that friend. I need someone like you to talk to.

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Inspirationalspirit28 January 25th, 2023

what an amazing way i loved what you wrote thank you so much

1 reply
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@Inspirationalspirit28 I appreciate those kind words! Do you have any words you share with a friend that is going through some challenging waters?

1 reply
kindSoul10 January 26th, 2023

@GlenM without context words of encouragement can become platitudes and start to serve the listener to feel better.

I think life is challenging and at times we feel stuck, stressed or anxious. Sometimes we have to mourn for the things we hoped for or are missing. Sometimes there isn't a bigger plan behind the present. It is what it is. Hopefully we can accept the stones and the bumps and the leaks while paddling and move forward in time and every breath.


1 reply
GlenM OP January 27th, 2023

@kindSoul10 it often is what it is and coming to accept that is a core skill for the river. Thank you for sharing.

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SoulfullyAButterfly January 25th, 2023
@GlenM love this concept!

We are all part of a big ocean with hidden icebergs and other factors. Life has uncertain waves that we end up surfing on, but sometimes it is ok to stay afloat. One needs acceptance to reflect and mindfully gain insight about what are the lesson's being learnt. The back and forths, ups or downs can sometimes not make sense to us, but if we keep looking out for insight, we find things to hold on to.

Here's a poem I wrote a few years ago that this post/reflection reminded me of (the ships here can be seen as experiences/events).


Sometimes, I think,
I’ve lived too long.
Seen a thousand ships sink,
But then one floats along.
Days pass by,
Without any hope.
But then comes a tide,
Which leads me to cope.
Youth has no age,
My experience echos.
And so I turn a new page,
Living every day,
To make a difference.

My message to everyone going through difficult waters is that you aren't alone and your experience matters. We are here for you as you stay afloat, learn to surf, enjoy the peaceful tides as you rest and reflect, and celebrate every new day that you make it through. We are all sailors with unique but also shared journey's, and at 7 Cups, we are grateful to be part of your path.
2 replies
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@SoulfullyAButterfly thank you for sharing this beautiful poem with us! You are an old soul. I love the wisdom and the purpose infused in this work. ✨

SparklyFly January 25th, 2023

@SoulfullyAButterfly Thanks for sharing your poem, it is beautiful.

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Heather225 January 25th, 2023
What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?

You have a purpose. It might not be visible. You may see nothing but obstacles ahead with no sign of a clearing, but as long as you're on the water, you're going in the right direction. Keep persevering. This pain and hardship will one day make sense to you.
3 replies
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@Heather225 yes! what a great message to tell a friend. Hang in there! You are still discovering your purpose. It is there and working itself out in you!

calmMango9611 January 25th, 2023

@Heather225 You're a very wise person.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

VictoriaLove7 January 26th, 2023

@Heather225 @GlenM

That is true. Keep persevering. It reminds me of this quote from a children's movie, 'just keep swimming' and do not give up.

Things may not be easy. But if we choose to go through it instead of going around it, we will come out of it stronger. And also stay kind to ourselves as we go through difficult times.

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jasishereforallofu January 25th, 2023

@GlenM What a wonderful post, thank you for writing this ❤️

Cancun January 25th, 2023

I would tell my friend "I'm with you no matter what. Let's enjoy and celebrate the calm. When we hit the rapids we paddle together. Eventually we will get out of them. We'll come out of every situation wiser and stronger together."

2 replies
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@Cancun I love this! I love the emphasis on we/us and we'll get through it together! Community at its best!

1 reply
Cancun January 25th, 2023

@GlenM

Thank you for building such a loving and supportive community. 💗

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calmMango9611 January 25th, 2023

@GlenM Come to 7cups.

We have a lot to offer.

1 reply
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@calmMango9611 simple, concise, and I wholeheartedly agree!

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SparklyFly January 25th, 2023

@GlenM Thank you for posting the River. It is wonderful and inspirational!

SparklyFly January 25th, 2023

@GlenM I would tell my friend:

I know what you're going through is challenging, but I also know that you have what it takes to get through it. Remember all of the times you've done that and gotten on the other side of your challenges. I know this will be the same.


1 reply
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@SparklyFly such a powerful point, when going through the tough times we often forget just how far we've come. great reminder!

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broadfemmelovelive January 25th, 2023

@GlenM

We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?

Thinking about this after your amazing metaphor story. I think "rough rapids" would have been an understatement to the hurdles that life threw at me over the past few years. I'm sure as we live through this global pandemic together, everyone has felt that struggle. I think If I were to reflect on this and offer any kind words they would be: forming meaningful connections with people who you feel safe with goes a long way. Communities like 7 Cups for an anonymous chat or involvement with the community are valid and accessible. I, along with many others on 7 Cups have felt the benefit of having a safe space and building camaraderie in this community. Humans need connections, and just like the other kayakers in your metaphor, these hard waters are easier when we have those around us to see our struggles and be supportive.

Thank you for this insight and I raise my paddle to you

🚣


5 replies
GlenM OP January 25th, 2023

@broadfemmelovelive what a lovely post! I raise my paddle to you too! I looked for a picture to represent your image of high fiving with a paddle, but couldn't find it. It very nicely captures the feeling! Deep and meaningful connections - the best stuff in life - and I 100% agree that those relationships are what gets us through the hurdles. Thank you for sharing!

4 replies
broadfemmelovelive January 25th, 2023

@GlenM

Thanks so much! It means a lot to me to have this community. I was just talking this morning in the Listeners Community Room about how its my 7th 7 Cups birthday this April. I think it's gonna be a big one.

3 replies
GlenM OP January 26th, 2023

@broadfemmelovelive 7 years! Thank you for 7 years of service to our community ❤️. I very much appreciate you looking out and helping our friends along the river!

2 replies
broadfemmelovelive January 26th, 2023

@GlenM

Thanks so much, you're invited to my Cups birthday party in April. Planning something fun 😜

1 reply
GlenM OP January 26th, 2023

@broadfemmelovelive I'll be there!

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