A guide to helping others who self-harm

Hi everyone! I'm Atticus, a team member of the self-harm recovery community. I usually only do check-ins here but I thought this was a topic worth covering. Some of us are going through journeys of self-harm recovery currently and there's also a lot of us that are watching our friends, family members, and community members go through this as well. I've been a part of both groups and it really hurts to watch our loved ones go through such a difficult time. A few years ago, I remember not knowing how to exactly help these people that I knew that were self-harming and I just felt lost as of what to do.

Here, I've done some research and outlined four important steps to helping someone through their self-harm recovery journey. Just as a little key, underlined things are things that I found important to underline and bolded things are just here for dividing up the four steps (and so are the highlights). (The highlights are also rainbow-tized because we really be fabulous and proud like that :P <3 )

First, it's important to understand why this person is self-harming
Notice what is going on around this person. Are they often under a lot of stress or have difficult family lives? Try and empathize with where they are coming from and understand what their reason for self-harming might be. It's easier to solve problems like this when we know where they are arising from.

After knowing why this is happening, it's often necessary to confront our loved ones about this to confirm or ask what is going on. Conversations about why this is happening and what you can do to help them are essential in their self-harm recovery journey. Here is a good conversation starter and some pointers:

I noticed some marks on your arm, and Im worried because I care about you. Are you hurting yourself?

Remember to come from a place of genuine concern and care. We want them to feel cared for.

Next, it's good to acknowledge their pain and to meet them where they are at.

A great way to do this is to actively listen to what your loved one or friend is going through. Some basic active listening skills include:

1) Affirming their thoughts and validating their feelings

2) Reflecting what they are telling you back to them (paraphrasing)

3) Gently asking open-ended questions to know more about their situation and their thoughts and feelings

4) Show them that you're listening and paying attention (if you guys are having this conversation in real life).

5) Take their side. Do not disagree with them or argue against them. We want them to feel supported and cared for, not judged.

Second, it can help to create a plan with them

It's important to be patient with them and not get frustrated at them for not wanting to stop self-harming quite yet. This might take convincing them to work on stopping to self-harm with you. Conversations about healthy vs. unhealthy coping mechanisms might occur between you and the person you're helping. But if they're willing to stop self-harming, it's important to believe in them and empower them.

A good plan for self-harm recovery might include:

1) Noting possible triggers or things that cause self-harming thoughts to arise. This is important because we want to be able to catch these situations beforehand so that they don't become worse.

2) Having a list of coping activities or just alternatives to self-harm. I've linked these websites to the words so you can check these out. :)

3) Having an emergency contact list. This includes numbers of loved ones or numbers of people that this person trusts. An emergency contact list can also include hotlines and text lines.

Third, support them through possible relapses:

Unfortunately, relapses often happen during the self-harm recovery journey. A relapse occurs when a person breaks their streak of not-self-harming and can be incredibly challenging for that person. It's important to remind them that healing is not linear. Empathize with where they are coming from and meet them where they are at in terms of their recovery process. People often feel like relapsing is "going back to square one" but it's important to remind them that they have new resources with them now and that they will be okay.

Remember to be kind and supportive to them and ask them why they need from you for support right now!

Fourth, remember to take care of yourself

Caring about someone who self-harms or is going through the self-harm recovery journey can take a toll on our own mental health!

Simple reminders:

- You're doing an amazing job in being there for someone and you should be proud of yourself

- Self-care after supporting these friends is important

- Be careful not to fall into only helping others and not yourself

Sorry for such a long post! I have a lot to say about this topic and have had a lot of personal experiences with it. If you're on the teen side and need to talk about self-harm recovery or support (and are safe), please don't hesitate to message me and set up a time to talk! Thank you for reading my post everyone! <3 I hope this helped.