Article: Help for Couples Where One Partner Does All the Talking

"In many relationships, one person speaks less. For some couples, this works out fine. Quiet types are often attracted to chatty partners specifically because they do all the conversational heavy lifting. And some talkative folks are perfectly happy listening to their own voice.

But tensions can sometimes flare when a couple settles into a speaker-listener dynamic. Talkers can become exhausted from doing all the work of informing, entertaining and connecting in the relationship. Quiet partners can get frustrated when they feel misunderstood or can’t get a word in edgewise. And both may end up bored—and resentful.

The good news is that both psychologists and linguists say it’s possible for couples with unbalanced talking styles to recalibrate. But it will take a little work, especially in one key area: the conversational pause.

Here are some tips from the experts.

• Talk about your differences.

You want to get rid of the blame, Dr. Tannen says. “No one’s style is right,” she says. And a mismatched conversational pace doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. But you do need to understand each other’s perspective.

• If you’re the quiet one, learn to interrupt.

The talker may not realize you are waiting for a pause, so Dr. Tannen recommends you push yourself to start speaking before you feel comfortable. “Talkers are not always eager to do all the talking,” she says. “And you might be amazed when they stop.”

• If you’re quiet, narrate your silence.

It’s important to show your partner that you’re listening and engaged, says Marissa Nelson, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Washington, D.C., who helps couples cope with communication problems. A simple “I hear you” will do. It will also help to explain that you need more time to process your thoughts, she says. This will help remind your partner to slow down. And be reassuring.

• If you’re the talker, lengthen your pauses.

What feels like a long-enough break in your thoughts to you may be too short for your quieter partner. If you find it difficult to slow down, try counting to seven, Dr. Tannen suggests. You can also simply ask: “Do you have something you’d like to say, or should I keep going?”

Read the full article on The Wall Street Journal

✨Takeaway: Talking about differences and being open to communication can help balance out conversation styles and create a healthier relationship. It's essential to understand each other's perspective without assigning blame or assuming that one style is better than the other.

✨Reflection: What are the conversation dynamics like between you and your partner?

#Relationships #Communication #Conversations #Couples

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