How Fairy Tales Set Us Up for Relationship Failure
"In fairy tales, every good person finds a happily ever after, with no divorce or morning-after regrets. By comparison, our own romantic lives can often seem lackluster and lonely. Surrounded by social pressure and sentimentality, we may judge our own relationships and partners (or lack thereof) harshly, making us feel like failures. But the problem isn’t us—it’s the standards we’re using.
Developing Our Capacities for Intimacy
The sad truth is that you can learn a lot more from losing your first love than from a perfect prom night. Surmounting the pitfalls and heartaches of life and relationships can, over time, help develop the inner strength, self-confidence, and equanimity necessary for enduring love—provided we can see them as opportunities for growth, rather than as debilitating failures.
A New Standard for Relationship Success
Instead of defining a failed relationship as one that ends, or ends "prematurely," we should consider a relationship of any length a success if has made both people happier, at least for a while, and left them better off than when it started. If a relationship has enhanced our abilities to be a good partner and provided life-enriching experiences, it has been a successful one.
Mastering the Art of Love
Rather than judging ourselves harshly when a romance ends, we should offer ourselves the same kindness and encouragement that we would give unsteady toddlers toppling over, as they struggle to walk. The bumpy road to love may sometimes leave us in tears, flat on the ground, but if we have the courage to get up and try again, we are already succeeding."
Read the full article on Psychology Today
✨Takeaway: Comparing our own romantic lives to these fairy tale fantasies can make us feel like failures. We learn to love through trial and error, and it is a skill that is developed over time. Mastering the art of love is a lifelong journey that requires self-knowledge, inner strength, and varied experiences.
✨Reflection: What are some examples of how you have learned from the mistakes in your own relationships?
#Relationships #Failure #Fairytales #Self-Compassion #Growth #Mindset
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Some things that I have learned from my past relationship is the ability to put myself out there. It was hard with my past, to put myself out there and have the chance to get hurt again. As humans we don't to continously go through the same pain. Some even fear pain. Coming from it all, I learned that getting hurt is a process, but you learn everytime you get hurt from it. It's just like putting your hand on the stove, you won't do it again so you won't get burnt.