Relationship Issues.

Me (24f) and my fiancé (24m) are planning to be married next year and I’m worried that our relationship might be over or something of that sort.

Quick breakdown of the relationship:

Got together when we were 18. Started to work towards a healthier relationship, as we both had unhealthy habits (he lied over minuscule things, I reacted instead of listening, etc.) We progressed a lot and felt happy with the direction our relationship was going. Around 22, my fiancé had a really bad depressive episode and he is only now starting to recover from it. To me, a lot of damage was done during that time. He reverted back to lying about small things because he “didn’t want to upset me.” He would have emotional outbursts that were targeted at me, although I had done nothing wrong. We sat down so many times to talk through things and I expressed that his outbursts really hurt me. He apologized, but they didn’t stop (which was common during this time in our relationship; he apologized but rarely changed). Throughout this time, I supported him and helped him get back into therapy.

Fast forward to now, he told me that something changed and things just started to kind of click for him again. He feels like he’s ready to get back on track and move forward with his life. This was great news to me. Yet, he still has his outbursts (while not common, they are still hurtful when they happen), he struggles with communicating his needs (he puts my needs first, because he thinks that’s what I deserve but then gets upset when his non-communicated needs aren’t being met…), and he’s randomly defensive about things. I understand that no one can change over night, but I don’t know how much longer I have left in me. I want this to work, I really do, but I don’t know how. Especially when I feel defeated. I also understand that we are in that age range where we are figuring things out about ourselves, but I am really worried that when he figures himself out, it’ll be too late for us.

I want to say, he is a good person and a great partner, in some aspects. I know he loves me and I know he is committed to me. It just feels like 60% of our relationship is really really great and the other 40% seems impossible. I don’t know if that’s normal or not. Everything feels up and down and I’m so confused by what’s happening. I want to marry him. I want a life with him, but I don’t even understand what’s happening.

Any experiences are welcome. Thank you.