Module 3. Emotion Regulation: (Discussion #8) Letting Go
DBTuesday is a series of posts where we explore skills and concepts from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
What is letting go
In the context of DBT, letting go is applying mindfulness to emotions:
- Noticing what you're feeling (observing)
- Naming what you’re feeling (describing)
- Allowing that feeling to naturally fade
In doing this, we try to balance:
- Experiencing emotions – as opposed to pushing them away, stifling them, avoiding them, or fighting them
- Maintaining some distance from emotions – as opposed to dwelling on them, identifying with them, or becoming swallowed up by them
Core ideas for letting go
- Emotions don’t last forever – both positive and negative emotions tend to dissolve and return back to neutral/baseline after a certain amount of time
- Let emotions be what they are – emotions tend to naturally change and move around on their own if we aren’t trying to control them or reacting to the fact that they exist
How to practice letting go
Letting go doesn’t have an exact sequence of steps, especially since the heart of this practice is that we aren’t trying to impose a certain kind of structure on our emotions. But here are some additional tips or ideas that might be helpful:
- If an emotion that you’re observing is overwhelming, try focusing on just one part of it
- Letting go is like riding a wave; we don’t control the wave but it comes and goes on its own
- Having an emotion doesn’t mean that we need to act on it
- Letting emotions exist is a way of loving them and being gentle/kind to them
- There aren’t any right or wrong emotions; whatever is there is what’s there
Reflection
1) Have you ever had an experience of an emotion changing on its own while mindfully observing it?
2) If yes, what was it like? If not, do you think something like that might be possible?
Sources:
https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/emotion-regulation/letting-go/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emotion-regulation-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt-0318135
https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/emotion-regulation/ride-the-wave/
@QuietMagic
Love the basic concept of "letting go"- letting emotions be as they are and allowing them to pass on their own, while simply being mindful about it- by observing and describing them, sounds like a great approach.
I also like the mention of seeing/ dealing with one part of an emotion/ emotional reaction at a time--- it can be very helpful while dealing with those overwhelming ones fosho.
Thankyou for continuing this amazing series, Josh, your posts are always spot on. ❤️
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you! Yeah, I personally really love the "it's okay to be yourself and feel what you're feeling" vibe of mindfulness-type stuff. And I also felt like the "focus on one part" tip sort of addresses an understandable/valid concern with anything related to mindfulness of, "If I go anywhere near these feelings it's going to completely swallow me up."
@QuietMagic
Oooh yes love that too! And that's so aptly put, it is not rare to avoid feelings with this "pressing" thought of the feelings being too overwhelming or too much at once--- so this assurance of taking it one at a time, or one part at a time, is surely very validating and comforting--- agreed also!
@QuietMagic this is an area I think I am toxic, because I don’t experience my feelings passing after some time. If I don’t address them, they just get stronger day after day for months and affect my view of people. My therapist said this is part of OCD thinking. I think some of it is trying to have my own rights too. The only time I let things go is if I block out the emotions. On a positive note, I have been able to watch my emotions change if it’s a stressor not people related, like maybe if I’m worried about money or something.
