All about dysphoria! How do you cope??

Hello queer land! Wish you a colorful day <3 It's difficult for most transgender or gender variant people to handle dysphoria. Some may begin transition (either socially or medically), while others may not have access to these processes.
Reminder: calm down, take things on your own pace; There is no easy fix or a grand solution that will make all of your problems instantly vanish, however, There are ways to make yourself comfortable in your body, social interactions and in your mind, Here are some ways of coping and easing your gender dysphoria. Let’s get to know dysphoria first~
There are 3 main kinds of dysphoria:
~ Physical dysphoria: is when a trans or gender variant person feels distress because their body doesn’t match up with the gender they truly are; for example trans men usually have dysphoria about their chests, this is because this physical trait does not align with the masculine view, look alikes and experiences usually associated with male gender
~ Social dysphoria: this is when a trans or gender non-conforming person feels distress in social situations because they may be misgendered or mistaken for the gender they were assigned at birth rather than their true gender, this is made worse when other people don’t make the effort to use the person’s correct name and pronouns, when someone uses your old name it is referred to as dead naming, which can be a huge trigger for social dysphoria
~ Mental dysphoria (emotional dysphoria): this is when a trans/non-binary person feels distress because of their worries about transitioning & the disconnect between their true and assigned gender, this can be the hardest kind of dysphoria to escape, because it is directly caused by one’s emotions and thoughts, it is something that is always lingering in your mind
Dysphoria if left untreated and not coped with in a healthy way can make one face social isolation or poor mental health (such as depression, anxiety or SH)
While discussing coping strategies for dysphoria, there are 2 categories to keep in mind~
First: dealing with your emotions and second: tackling your presentation
While in the first category we are trying to cope with the feelings dysphoria puts us thru, and our reaction to the situation on the second we are trying to avoid feeling them and feel more comfort by changing the situation and gender presentation, making it fit your true gender better

1. Hope~ You might feel helpless and as if the struggle of dysphoria will never get better, but know that you live in a time where you can actually be helped, a time in which society is slowly learning to be understanding and respectful. Remember that there are plenty of people who went through similar experiences to what you are going through. You are not alone and there’s definitely not “something wrong with you”. There are plenty of transgender and non-binary people out there living happy and healthy lives. You can be one too, even if it’s not easy right now
2. Express what you feel. Expressing yourself in any way you want can help you cope with the situation. Find what works best for you, keeping it in and repressing your emotions won’t make it easier to get thru them, it’s okay to feel your feelings and to let them show, here are some examples~

-Art and production. Just taking a pen and paper and starting to draw whatever comes to your mind (however dark), can really alleviate your stress. You can write down all the aggressive things that come to your mind. Just let your mind wonder until you start feeling better.

-Take the physical approach. Doing anything physical such as vigorous exercising, running as fast as you can, doing weight-lifting, or any hobby such as swimming or horseback-riding or trampolining does the trick. Channeling your frustration into movement will make you feel better. You might notice that you will really need to tire yourself to exhaustion until you finally calm down.

-Talk to someone. It can help a lot if you know someone that you can trust to listening to you and understands what you are feeling and what you are going through. It can be a real relief to be able to express yourself and talk to someone freely. The feeling that you are being listened to and understood is important. We are here for you in cups exactly for that, connect to a listener or write and reply in forums, find local peer communities or consider talking to a friend or family member you are out to, seeing a therapist specializing in lgbtq+ issues might be a good idea to think of as well
You might be surprised by the amount of people that are looking for others to talk to about their dysphoria and their experiences. You may feel very lonely, but many other trans and non-binary people feel exactly as lonely as you!

-You can also talk to yourself (literally). It doesn't make you crazy. Many people talk to themselves, because it is a way to release the emotion you are bottling up inside. Some people have compared talking to yourself to crying. These are methods of releasing sadness or stress. (Just maybe not out loud in public *~^)

3. Calm yourself~ Relax. Breathe in and out when you feel as if your worries might overwhelm you. Being balanced can help you deal with your emotions. Meditation and yoga are ways of developing this ability to relax.

• Deep breathing can alleviate stress and immediately reduce anxiety as it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for calming your body down and slowing your heart rate, thus immediately making your relax. Breathe slowly through your stomach for a while.
• Practice mindfulness by calmly observing your surroundings, your feelings and thoughts without judgment, and by engaging your senses. What are you feeling, seeing, smelling and hearing right now? What are you feeling right now? Where do you feel that in your body? Do you feel tightness in your shoulders or neck? Or a knot in your stomach? Become aware of your current emotions. That can create distance to your raw emotions and calm you down and help you gain back control.
• Use grounding when you are having raging thoughts and extreme emotions, a high level anxiety attack or feel suddenly hopeless and really depressed, grounding can calm you down and help to regulate your thoughts and mood. Stimulate your senses! Smell something (perfume, a flower, deodorant), taste something (something strong-flavored or something you really like), listen to something (nature sounds or music), touch something (a fabric, a teddy bear), stimulate your vision (by looking at beautiful photographs or pics you were happy in or pics of baby animals). Using your senses will reduce anxiety in a heartbeat. Keep doing it until you are calmed down.
• Positive triggers~ Come up with things that will make you instantly feel better when you do them (such as being with friends, listening to music, dancing, going outside, playing with your pet, reading, watching comedy, exercising etc.)

Keep a list at hand and when you feel anxiety building up, refer to this list and start doing those things. You can Create a 'coping care pack' as well

4. Find your rhythm~ Take time out or stay busy - whichever works best for you at the time. Slow down and relax, or stay occupied and distracted.
5. Practice self-love and positive self-talk~ tell yourself, out loud, that your body does not define your gender. Take a moment to point out a few positive things you love about your body or more generally - things you are great at, things you like about yourself. Remember to be easy on yourself and on your body image. Remind yourself of the diversity of all people's bodies and gender presentations to give yourself a reality check. You can also right these down and add them to your coping care pack

You are able to control your mind and your thoughts if you just practice enough! You need and have time to learn that <3

6. Create distance between the situation and your reaction. You can't always control everything that happens around you and you will inevitably find yourself in situations that can cause you to feel dysphoric or anxious because of your gender. What you can always control though, is your reaction to the situation.

Your feelings are always valid but you can decide whether you let this event ruin your whole day or not. I know, it’s easier said than done, but it’s possible to do; when you are triggered take a moment, breathe deeply, use grounding or find a let out for your emotions, remind yourself you have the right to feel them but you also have the right to get thru them and feel better, after the initial storm of feelings has calmed down, you may feel drained, practice self-care, do something that will give you a lighter mood (Be proud of yourself for getting thru the rough moments!

7. Avoid the triggers. You have every right to avoid situations or people that make you feel bad or who put you down. You do not need to deal with this. You can always affect your reaction, but you don't need to put up with behavior that makes you feel mentally unwell.

• You may need to reduce your time with family members who don't respect your identity, as hard as that can be. Your own well-being always comes first.
• You also have the right to stay inside if you just don't feel like it today. Learn to make a difference between feeling a bit anxious and downright dysphoric about something. Don't let your social anxiety make excuses to stay away from seeing your friends or attending a support group. But if you know that swimming with your classmates or exercising with other people is actually making you feel emotionally worse and affects your mental health, stay away from it.
• You may need to endure deadnaming, misgendering, or feeling dysphoric in certain situations in order to function in life even if that makes you feel bad. But you have every right to avoid those type of situations where those things are very likely to happen, or happen frequently. Being deadnamed at a bank is different to your mother constantly deadnaming you despite being told otherwise.
• Give people a chance, though. Many cis people are completely unaware of how gender dysphoria affects your life. It is best to explain to them how specific things make you feel. If after that people are still ignoring your requests, the best thing is to reduce contact to a level you can comfortably deal with without it having a great effect on your mood.
• If your friends and family are generally unsupportive, instead of completely isolating yourself contact new people and attend support groups where you can find new friends. You may have bad luck with your family but there are others out there who will support you with this! Reaching out is especially important if you don't have solid support and people to turn to in your life. Find people who support your aspirations and are delighted to hear when you are improving your life. Yes, people like that do exist!

1. Affirm your identity

Do small or big things that affirm your identity; whether it's wearing a small accessory that is affirmative for you, re-styling your hair, or talking to your family, friends, teachers to tell them your name and pronouns.
Make plans, research, or take small steps towards your long-term social, medical and/or legal transition goals.

2. Find items that aid in presentation for trans/non-binary people. There are binders, packers and STPs (stand-to-pee devices) and also prosthetics to use for sex for guys. Women can get breast forms, panty girdles, padded underwear and tuck as well.

While you cannot wear these items 24/7, it can help you with dysphoria in public or other short-term situations.
These can be expensive but a good investment as they can dramatically affect your appearance (and thus self-esteem). You can also buy these second-hand, and people even donate stuff they don't need anymore for free.

3. Make clothes work in your favor.

Try to find clothes that you like and feel comfortable in, but also fit you well and compliment your best features.
Learn to know what looks good on your body type. Long shirts can hide your hips and short ones accentuate them. You can find lots of good tips online. There are tricks you can use such as shoe lifts for guys or breast forms for women. Think about what parts of your body you'd like to accentuate and what to hide more. Different materials, different patterns, and different cuts and shapes can make a huge difference. Clothes like jackets that accentuate shoulders can make them appear wider - in good and bad.

4. Train your voice to sound more masculine or feminine.

Oftentimes people find it a real nuisance that they pass fairly well up to the point they open their mouth. Training your voice isn't easy but it definitely can be done with practice, even pre-hormones! There are lots of videos online that can help you with this, and apps that measure your voice pitch. The actual pitch isn't the most important thing, also the voice pattern you have can affect your passing positively. Changing the way you speak can seem hard, but once you master it, it can have a huge effect on your self-esteem.
You can start by practicing on your own, in your home. Reading aloud and singing can help. Try to sound more masculine or feminine while reading and act the scenes out. YouTube and Google in general are great teachers, use them
It can take a while until you master this skill. Testosterone will naturally lower your voice to a male range. Unfortunately, estrogen for Trans women won't do the same, so this practice is actually helpful even if you are pre-HRT!

5. Get feedback from others. Take lots of selfies to track your progress and your changes on HRT. Share these with others and play with face gender change apps. Remember that you are usually your worst critic yourself. You may see flaws and 'obvious' features on your face and in your body that others aren't aware of at all. You can ask family and friends for honest advice on your appearance, looks, and clothing choices.

Ask feedback from people who are honest with you, but who don't put you down.
If you are complimented, try to take all that in! Enjoy the feeling that others are able to see you that way. Try to be less hard on yourself as well.
Taking selfies that you look very masculine or feminine in, can really boost your self-esteem too! Ignore the pics you don't like and cherish the ones you look fabulous in. Take a look at these whenever you are feeling down to remember you are the exact same good looking person in that pic. They'll surely cheer you up.

6. Acknowledge what you can and cannot change realistically. HRT can have a huge effect on your face and also on your body. Hormones will also affect people differently; some have instant dramatic changes, others will have the same changes much later on. Everyone is individual in that regard. But the changes will come, yes, even to you. You just need to cultivate patience. Puberty can last up to 5 years.

Your height, bone size, hand and feet size, and some bone structures in the face (especially if you start HRT after going through your first biological puberty) are things you don't have control over. FFS (facial feminization surgery) is a possibility; but other than that you just need to accept your body the way it is. There is no need to spend mental energy on fretting over things you just can't change.
There are extremely tall cisgender women and very short cisgender men; there are large women and small-framed men, Body shape is a thing no one has control over, cis or Trans.
Here are some Additional coping strategies for daily tasks Find ways to do everyday things that reduce your dysphoria - steam up or cover the bathroom mirrors, wear a big hoodie or layers, use a big sponge or loath for bathing, cuddle a pillow to cover your chest when you sleep, or master makeup contouring.

Remember!
Dysphoria isn't just something people experience before fully transitioning. You can still experience if after being completely 'done' and even had genital reassignment surgery. Things like talking about your past, or going swimming or to the gym can trigger it. Your height and bone structure will always stay the same, so that can be triggering too. Understand that the dysphoric feeling you have may not suddenly disappear after being on hormones or having surgeries. You may experience difficult feelings from time to time but you can cope with them effectively and be much more comfy and happy In your body and life overall than most of cisgenders out there
Listen to yourself. Believe in, validate, care for and show love to yourself, cause you are the most important element in your life, Do not listen to people who try to say your gender dysphoria is "nothing" or your experiences are not real, they will learn to get thru trans phobia too, just like everyone else
Everyone comes in many different shapes and sizes. Everyone has their own ways of expressing who they are (walk, dress, voice pitch. etc.). Embrace your uniqueness. Don't let society define who you are, it is up to you to define who you are.