I'm stuck
So yeah, the title. I'm stuck.
I have been feeling bad and self-harming since the start of this school year. The emotional wellness test on 7cups suggests that I seek help from a professional as I have a high percentage of depression. I do want to get help, but I'm afraid my parents won't be supportive. I've told my mother once before I thought I might have depression. It really embarrassed me. She is completely against taking medication for anything because it "drives many people to suicide" or some other crap and she implies that going to a professional won't help, that money is better spent on lessons and tutoring. She knows I cut, but she thinks I stopped and she never thought of it as a problem in the first place. Sometimes I feel like the most important thing to her is my grades and that really makes me feel terrible.
I don't want to go to a therapist or counselor or whatever because it would make me feel like as if there is something wrong with me, something abnormal. And I don't want to bring it up with my parents again because 1) It's humiliating and 2) they don't take it seriously and 3) because they don't take it seriously it humiliates me. The most important thing to my parent is grades. I'm completely against trying to talk to them again.
The other day a close friend, who also self-harms, was found out by her mother, and her mother said something along the lines of "You can skip school or whatever... Nothing is more important" (than her wellbeing/selfharm). That made me feel really bad.
I think my self harm is getting worse. The last time I started it was really hard to stop and that scared me.
So yeah, I'm stuck.
@aLIEz
I completely understand where your coming from - the risk of seeking professional help can at times be one not worth taking. I suggest you take it slow, finding help is a process just like recovery. You need to find something or someone you feel completely comfortable with, that minimizes the risk of your well being worsening. Your parents seem to not understand how much you're struggling, and it's going to be a lot of work to educate them. So don't force yourself to talk to family until they have a proper understanding, or have the ability to support you. There is no doubt that something is wrong - don't brush it off or tell yourself that what you're going through is okay, and that you can just deal with it on your own. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed - you're not alone. Because you truly do deserve help. Your mental state is not healthy, and it's making you suffer. But with 7 Cups you don't have to do it alone. I understand you feel stuck - you feel like you'll get worse if you don't seek help, but you feel like you don't really have anyone to turn to. I highly recommend you speaking with an experienced listener on 7 Cups. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and our team of listeners will do everything in our power to get you there. What you have is a mental illness, a serious mental illness - and you don't have to be modest about it. Don't let anyone tell you that it isn't a problem - because you really are suffering, and you really are in pain. You shouldn't be told by others that your emotions and wellbeing comes second place. You are a priority, and you will be taken seriously here.
You can send a general request or you can search for a particular listener and send a personal request using this link: www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
Or you could send me a message here: https://www.7cups.com/@MidniteAngel
I hope that you find your way to recovery soon.
