Want meaning and direction? This can help.
Thinking about values is one of the things that helps me most during good times and bad. I first learned about values here on 7 Cups in the self-help guide Getting Unstuck (here is the link ). Later I learned more about it as part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I know that not everyone read the self-help guides and Im hoping that this could be another place where people could learn about all the benefits of thinking about values.
Why think about values - When you know what your values are and live according to them, you can feel that your life has meaning even when you are struggling and things are difficult.
What are values - Values are the things that are important to you and have meaning to you. It says what you want to do with your life, what you want to stand for and how you want to behave. It is something you can do. If you cant do it, then its not a value. E.g. to be respected or to feel loved are not values, because you cant do it. But to respect others or love others are values (you can DO it).
What values are not - They are not morals or ethics. Everyone will not have the same values. They are not goals that can be achieved, but more like a compass that gives direction. Its not the same as needs, desires or feelings.
How can I explore what my values are - There are many questions you can ask yourself and exercises you can do to get an idea of what your values are. I will share a few now and later add more ideas on this so as not to overwhelm you. 1) What do you want to do with your time on this planet? 2) What do you want to do in this specific domain of your life (include work, family, social, personal growth, leisure, spirituality, health)? 3) What sort of person do you want to be? [Feel free to answer these questions here or in your journal.] It is fine to start with anything. You will refine your answers with time.
How do I use my values in a problem situation - This is the big question, right? How can I actually use this stuff to help me? Think of your situation and (with your values in mind) ask yourself what you want to stand for and how you want to act. Sometimes things stand in our way or scare us. But if those things were not there, if everything was suddenly and magically perfect, how would you act then?
What if there is something I can do nothing about - There will always be those situations where there is nothing you can do to fix it. Even in those situations you can turn to values. Ask yourself, if you one day look back on this, what would you like to see about what you stood for or how you behaved? And keep focusing in other areas of your life on things that are important to you. Dont let something that isnt under your control stop you from living a life that has meaning to you.
[Information mainly taken from ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris]
@Chiaroscuro1
This is so important. I feel like nowdays we aren't that motivated to use our values to cope.
7cups has helped me with it though. Once I considered my values I realised , for example, that my family would never be supportive of many things I'll do as an adult woman but what matters is what I stand for, what I believe will make me happy.
In the end of the day considering your values will make you a much happier and calm person. You'll be able to have a completly different and happier perspective on life :)
Tagging a few people: @FreeToFly, @sweetMango91,@creativeCamp2095, @SpruceRaven, @wizeakre, @melliotm, @Lavendersubmarine, @dancingRainbow45, @blissedNblessed, @mimameid, @Jenna, @Anomalia, @DarkCoffee, @lazyKatz, @DaveMcGrath, @ladylazarus1971, @LunaHecate, @BridgetAileen, @Moj, @LittleLotte, @LifeIsMyCanvas, @DaisyLion, @eviesweet, @scenicwindow, @PoliteOcean
@Chiaroscuro1
thank you for tagging me Chiaro! 😊
I realised for myself and in working with other people with values that you don't understand everything about it immediately. And that's fine. It's a growth process. So, when I work with people I like to start by simply asking them - What is important to you? Sometimes 2 or 3 things immediately come up for them. Maybe something like creativity, spirituality, family. Just to get those initial reactions is a good start. We refine as we continue. Other times people are so disconnected to themselves that nothing comes up for them. That's okay too. Which one are you? What is the first thing that comes up when I ask what is important to you?
Let's say those were the things that came up for you as important (creativity, spirituality, family). The next step you are going to take is to turn it into something you can do and something you have control over.
So for creativity, it might be something like I want to be creative and I want to support others in their creativity. For spirituality it could be I want to grow spiritually. For family it may be I want to spend more time with my family or I want to work on my relationship with my spouse.
Make sure it's something you can do and have control over. If something like respect came up for you as important, some people might say they want to be respected. But that is not a value, because you can't do it (yourself) and you don't have control over it. On the other hand, what will be a value is if you say it is important to you to show respect to others. That is somethine you can do and have control over.
You can continue to refine and take it further by making your values more and more specific and framing it as something you can do. If you say you want to be creative - how/when/where/what/with whom do you want to be creative? Your answer could be something like I want to write poetry alone in my room and then later share some of what I've written with friends and family. Or if you say you want to support other people in their creativity, one way that can be answered is if you decide you want to join your local writing group and make positive comments on other people's work. For every one of the things that are important to you, you will continue to make it more and more specific until it translates into specific things you can do, actions you can take.
Once you've started with this process, you can continue with it by asking the same questions in all the different areas of your life. For example: Relationships (family and friends), Work, Relaxation, Spirituality, Dreams or Passions, Health (physical and mental well-being), Parenting, Intellectual, etc.
If I look at the categories above, some of the things that might come up for me are these:
* It's important to be honest (relationships)
* It's important to be dependable (work)
* It's important to actually make time for relaxation and self care (relaxation)
* It's important to take the steps necessary to stay mentally healthy (health)
* I want to grow intellectually (intellectual)
* Et cetera
Remember, these are not the same as ethics or moral values. They are not things that other people think should be important. They are the things that really are important to you where you have to face only yourself.
You can write more than one value for each category. You will also see that some values will come up for you in different categories. You'll maybe say you want to be honest in your relationships, at work and in your parenting. Things that come up more than once like that are what they call core values.
Tagging a few people: @easyWater4109 @MieraCurie @DanaMH @SoulfullyAButterfly @essdee @Rebekahwriter13 @MissPen @soulsings @Erato
If you feel comfortable doing so, please go through the process bit by bit and share the answers you come up with. You don't have to do it all at once. I did mine over time.
I will continue to share here and hopefully help people find their own values if they feel comfortable sharing.
