Module 4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: (Discussion #9) Validation

DBTuesday is a series of posts where we explore skills and concepts from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

This is one of several posts focusing on interpersonal effectiveness, which is the fourth module of DBT skills training. See this post for general info about DBT and this post for more info about interpersonal effectiveness.

What is validation

Validation involves acknowledging and accepting other people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

This allows people to feel heard and respected, which helps in maintaining and deepening relationships.

What validation is not

• Negating or dismissing: invalidating behaviors like this can create distrust, interfere with emotional regulation, and make it more difficult for people to work through and resolve any negative feelings or mental health issues they may have

• Agreeing with someone else: it’s possible you may still have your own perspective that differs; validation involves temporarily stepping into another person’s perspective, connecting with what it is like to have that perspective, and approaching it in a non-violent way by allowing it to exist without criticizing or shaming it

• Submitting to unacceptable behavior: if someone is being aggressive or inappropriate, it may make more sense to remove yourself from the situation and wait on talking to them until they have calmed down; you are allowed to enforce boundaries

Tips for validating

• Listen: pay attention to what the other person is saying (as well as nonverbal behaviors that might provide hints as to how they are feeling) and ask questions if needed

• Body language: speak in a gentle way, show that you are listening by facing toward them and making eye contact, and avoid signals of rejection such as crossing your arms

• Restate: repeat back what the other person has said from their perspective without disagreeing, blaming, or adding judgments

• Consider causes: think about how a person’s behavior or feelings might make sense from their perspective based on their experiences and background

• Communicate that what they have shared is understandable: once you feel you are able to put yourself into the other person’s shoes and understand how their feelings/thoughts/actions make sense, share this understanding with them

• Treat them as an equal: avoid talking down or being patronizing, and be humble about the possibility that you may not completely understand their experience or know what is best for them

Reflection

Have you experienced any benefits from validating others?

Sources:

https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/interpersonal-effectiveness/validation/

https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/interpersonal-effectiveness/listening-and-validation/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-validation-425336