Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami your fatique is getting really really bad🙁 I wish there was something I could do. Snail mail😂😂 that's cute😂😂😂😂 well I kinda hope whoever it was does write back. Not sure if it will be a good thing or a bad thing. Having no family/friends really sucks 😥 but we have the best kind of family here ❤ our chosen family, who love and care about each other very much 😁❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami sorry for late reply, I'm trying to catch up with all the posts ❤❤ I'm blessed to have you in my life ❤❤kisses your head and tucks you into bed ❤ goodnight angel, sweet dreams ❤❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami no sweetie ❤ how was your nap?? Did you say your groceries were coming today?? It's almost time for me to go to bed just drinking tea first ❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤
This time of the year really messes with the person like me. It is dark out now as it was 12 hours ago, so I wake up from my mini geezer naps, and it's a wonder I don't know if it's day or night. Much less which do some medicine and supposed to take my morning meds, my evening meds.
And I did check I don't have any groceries coming today, thanks for the question about it though that would've been embarrassing.
I am gonna stop for now before I let my jaws start some rambling tangent again.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Naps do that to me as well. Don't like the shortened daylight period but I like the winter mornings ^^ Hope someday soon you get to enjoy all the beautiful sunrise and sunsets while sitting on your porch sipping tea. I see so many people who don't like the winter time, me included, some due to painful memories and some because the extended period of darkness feels suffocating.
@BlueDarkAurora hugs you tightly ❤❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 <3
It would be nice to see and feel the things a lot of you seem to period it'd be nice to see a good things in life including in the simple things. People talk of enjoying the quiet and the peace and the sunshine, I want to feel that. Always seeing people getting together and talking, playing, paring to enjoy different activities. Why can't I do that why can't I be that way. I've continue to retreat farther and farther from everything and everyone. Which has helped to create the scenario that I am now in. I find myself not wanting to fully except that I am in a situation that I need help. My physical limitations rapidly increasing. And my metal situation is definitely not helping. But I just wish I could be like other people and not this other mess that I am.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami good morning sweetie ❤ and happy Halloween 🎃🎃 a few years ago all I wanted to be was like everyone else. But I guess I realised I'm not everyone else I'm just me. And I can still be happy and do things others do, but in my own unique way 😁 just like you, after the operation and your body is healthy again. You can do what others do, but in your own unique way ❤ and if your brain won't let you do nice things, then you can borrow my brain😁
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it's my birthday on Sunday 😁 presents please😁 I accept diamonds, cheques and all major credit cards 😁❤😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 whaaaaa :D yayyyyu
@BlueDarkAurora yaaaaaay! Partyyy
@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh by the way I need a second surgery, that's next monday, so don't worry if I'm not here for a little while ❤ hugs you tightly, I've missed hugging you so....
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I painted and decorated a pumpkin earlier 😁😁 and I did some fun spooky online question games with my carer ❤ now I'm just gonna chill here for a bit ❤ all the other residents have gone home with their families, it's school holidays this week, so they get to go spend time with their grandkids and great grrandkids. ❤ I'm really glad they all get to go home for holidays, but it gets a bit quiet and lonely here. What's happening with your pain, or in your head right now??
@Tinywhisper11 I had to go too but couldn't make it <3 It's alright we will celebrate a quiet halloween:D<3
@BlueDarkAurora you mean you couldn't make it to your famillies for halloween?? Are you ok?
@Tinywhisper11 You're such a sweet soul<3
@BlueDarkAurora
@Tinywhisper11
It sounds like you are a bit on the lonely side? I'm here, I'm just in that place of letting what be will be. Letting the thoughts of my head just do what they're gonna do, and just lay here and not even try to grasp any thoughts. You know, I woke up earlier and checked in here, which I believe I normally do. But they checked in here with the intentive maybe trying to ramble a little bit, but I read your messages and I just couldn't bring myself to follow up all your positivity with negativity. Not that I wanna quit writing, but with where my mind is and with everything else going on, to come back here and see those positive things that you've written here for me, is something I'd rather see first rather than all my negative writing. Kind of like how people use post it and all signs and writings and posters with Life affirmations, I think that's kind of what I was trying to do. To help keep the darkest thoughts at bay.
And you are at the forefront of a lot of my thoughts with everything you're going through, everything you've been through, and all that you are faced with on a day-to-day basis. You keep fighting and maintaining as much positivity as you can, and if you're like me there's a lot of times that it's kind of putting that mask on and not wanting to Full admit what's going on underneath. I don't want to inflict my suffering on others, that's why I gonna stay to my corner here. And somehow I've been lucky enough to have you and quite a few others that keep coming back here and showing support and their love and kindness. I wish I could be more like you or twisted or any of the others and have a positive outlook on Life and wanting to live. And I mean live on as far as trying to enjoy life not to live in as far as counting the breast that I take. All of you instill this feeling of love? Which is difficult for many reasons for me. One being because it's a new experience navigating Love. Another is being in this continuous darkness, and filled with so much negativity, and battling the darkest of thoughts day after day, it is extremely difficult to navigate this feeling a love and amongst all this darkness. You have installed desire and Me to skip all my issues, social anxiety and well all of it. But to try bypass all of that physically be there for each of you, not just be words on a screen. Physically reach out hold your hand or twist or anybody else it's in this group. To be there face-to-face to prove to you and each and everyone of you you're not alone. And yet this darkness I live in I can barely make it out my front door. I've got somebody coming here in a few hours for an assessment interview for physical therapy and whatever else. So I have to try to myself through the anxiety for that. Buff for you I would try to make my way through all those struggles just to be by each of your sides.
As far as everything else, the pain, it seems to be increasing. My doctor did change the nerve medication to something stronger, and due to the pain increasing just increased it to three times a day where it was twice a day. I don't know if the meds just aren't working anymore or if they're starting to get nerve damage or something else since this has gone on for I don't know how long it's been it's been 3 1/2 months four months I've lost track. But the pain is centralizing from the waist down to the knee and it seems to start to increase a little while after I take the meds, almost like it's wearing off, while the meds are wearing off. I'm trying to get up and move and move around that's still the same it doesn't pan out too well the pain is debilitating. Almost continuously now I've got numbness in my toes.
So enough about me, it's your turn how are you doing? What's happening with your pain or in your head right now? Simple how are you, I think about you often. And I think sometimes I worry about you.
❤️❤️ hugging you snuggly, I love you❤️❤️
