Ramblings 3

When you look long in the abyss the abyss looks into you, I think they said it was something Niche said. It was something that was said on my background noise that caused me to focus enough to rewind and replay that segment. Then the hard part was coming here and remembering what was said.

It struck me as something oddly relevant to me.

Sorry Tiny I am such a wimpy whiner compared to you.

This pain is starting to feel like it was before meds, Other than a couple of things, like the constant pain in the left knee and the left hip. The hip is probably because the left side is the way I lay the majority of the time to minimize pain. .

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

❤️Thinking of you ❤️ ❤️Embracing you in a warm hug, while giving you a scalp massage ❤️❤️ I Love You ❤️

I’m been sleeping on and off for an unusually longer time, or at least it seems like it .

I didn’t mark down my 10pm and 12am meds. The 10 pm one is gone but not the other. I vaguely remember really messing up and taking my 6am meds around 2am. .

I hope this isn’t another sign.

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

I hope you’re still feeling my arms embracing you in a snugly hug continually reminding you that I am there with you along with so many others from our community. As you well know I struggle with so many different issues both mentally and physically. As I well know , I have struggled with so much and have lived in the darkness my entire life and you spent most of your life in your own extreme darkness and even though you are physically living in the light, the darkness still has a hold on you. I may be overstepping boundaries a bit, but I undestand the daily reminders, especially the reminders because of the intense physical struggles you face second by second. Our darkness that we individually lived/live in are completely different spectrums. I will be have the magic words or the true place that the darkness pulls you to. I do understand that type of place though. Mine consists of possibly some similar thoughts but our experiences were different and for me the true words to describe them don’t exist. And to some extent I don’t want them to. I don’t want my words to make someone who cares and wants to know and understands the importance of getting those words outside of the thoughts realm to help accomplish a little healing, I don’t want them to actually feel what I actually felt and continue to feel.

Whenever I think about you, I wish I could do anything and everything besides writing messages to you that can only show you a small percentage of the true meaning behind my words. Even though I am struggling so much everyday, I want to impress on you that you can come here if you want to and if you’re able, you can come here and write your own true thoughts, I don’t have answers, and I may be in a place where I don’t want to write but I will read your words and when I do read them I will heart them, upvote? I am always here for you, and that includes when I am at a low low point myself.

If you need me to talk with you I hope you would let me know. Because regardless of how I am feeling, including my own physical limitations I will make the extra effort to be here

for you.

I think you already knew what I wrote here but I felt the need to write it again.

❤️Hugs full of love ❤️ ❤️I love you❤️

I’m still kind of dazed and lightheaded and weak. I did get a call from the HR department from my work today. Something about my FMLA leave is switching over to something like ADA or something like that. I think she said something about every appointment from now on they need paperwork on. And also that in 90 days I am no longer insured.

Even my brain is tired. I just don’t care anymore. I am too tired to care. .

I would give anything to have access to a hot tub that I could just sit in and I honestly don’t know what else just to sit in or somehow relax in for a long while. I would need someone to pull me out but it’s only another thing that won’t happen.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami don't worry about your insurance, your gonna be up and running again by the time 9 months comes along ❤❤ thank you for the message saying your always here for me ❤❤ your just the sweetest🙂❤ I'm sorry I dissapeard for a couple of days, the feeling in my upper left body is not coming back yet, and it's kinda hard to learn to live with for now, hopefully be better soon ❤

have your new nerve meds started helping yet?? Are you all set up ready with transport for the hospital?? Is it Thursday? 24th?? Your old geezer naps are effecting your meds schedule quite bad 🤔🤔 how many alarm clock do you own?😁 

@Iamwhoiamwhoami and your not a whiny whiner🙂 your just struggling, constant pain is really hard. And with your brain, and being alone🙁 it's understandable that you need to get all this of your chest ❤❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami and yep! I think we are very much alike ❤ with living in the dark/light. But you know maybe that's why we are such great friends, dark needs the light and light can't exsist without the dark ❤🙂❤

hugs you tightly ❤ I'll try to be back in a little while ❤❤ enjoy your geezer nap ❤ love you ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh hii ❤ good morning your awake ❤❤