Thanksgiving dilemma
First of all, we in area where covid is on rise and city is in Red zone. We have 5 adult children, one new grandbaby, one set of grandparents we were going to have over. Then the mother-in-law law, my husband's mom, invited the step daughter from another not part of Texas without asking first. We are already at our comfort level with our own immediate family. Even then my husband may stay in different parts of house and eat. I am so distraught and angry at Nana for doing this. Angry that I am angry. If pretty outside I could host outside but I doubt it will be nice. I want to see my children but feel Ike we need to call the whole thing off. It is our Christmas with the married kiddos since they will be with other family Christmas. I know thousands of other people are in this as well so I don't mean to be tone deaf. Just hating everything right now.
@goodWalker4788
You have every right to your feelings! You have every right to want to enjoy your family in your own home and with the guests that you want to have there. Having people in your home that you don't know as well, could cause concerns with the Covid crisis and it's harder to have the conversations with them and you don't know where they have been, what they have done and who else they have interacted with. People you are closer too, it would be easier to have confidence in them answering your questions without them being offended by your questions.
@goodWalker4788
At the heart of your post, the stress, worry and anger lies with your mother-in-law.
It was unfair of her to invite the step-daughter along without consulting you first. She must have known that you will not have felt comfortable about this.
It's only fair to say that beneath this underhanded tactic lies the thought that your mother-in-law wanted to include the step-daughter in the festivities.
Your husband will be staying and eating in separate parts of the house when he should be joining in. Is he worried about the Covid virus or does he not feel like having this big get-together?
Perhaps another time, try planning well in advance. How ever hard you try to plan these occasions, it's unavoidable your mother-in-law will want to be involved.
Your mother-in-law needs to appreciate that she cannot just invite people over, especially if it is going to cause you distress. This is particularly important if your mother-in-law wants to maintain an amicable relationship with you.
It's trying to find a peaceful solution in this situation. Nobody wants to be left out, neither does anyone want to leave anybody out. It's so difficult.
These get-togethers are very precious to you as they are now the only times that your entire family will be together. This happens as families get older and lead their own lives. Events such as this give you the opportunity to meet the family as a whole and 'catch up' with each other.
One idea could be for you, your husband and mother-in-law to enjoy the festive holiday together. Then have a big family get-together at a slightly later time in the year.
A smaller family get-together - involving the stepdaughter - may perhaps be a more accommodating situation.
Explain to your mother-in-law that you value these family get-togethers and very much appreciate that she wants to invite the step-daughter.
However. Can she please inform you well in advance so you can prepare for the family event.
It's understandably a very difficult situation that is shared by many - and there are the health worries over the Covid-19 outbreak.
You want the family to be together at least once or twice a year. The Covid outbreak has created challenges for families. In all fairness, you really should have the last say in who to invite. Organising a family get-together tends to fall upon one person's shoulders.
Most importantly, take care and make time for yourself.
A family celebrating a festive occasion can be a heart warming sight. Sadly, it can be a time to air disagreements.
Your situation is understandably difficult and you are certainly not alone in this. Somehow, it's trying to find a balance with some compromise. It also helps if others can as well.
