Unfit for what is expected for my age
Greetings.
Not sure from where to begin. Diring my life i had alot of issues trying to get along with people. When i was on school i was s straight A student and i perceived in my classmates that i was a threat to them, sineñce i surpassed them. Then i wanted to get a love interest but the girls i wanted to be rejected me and they were dating with real douchebags, over and over again.
Then i enter into college, i kept my performance high and well. Then i had my jobs for the past 16 years. The pro lem i have is that, somehow i found out that part of my social problems are sure that i have asperger's syndrome and that explains some situations.
The problem is that i am 39 years old, i dont have many friends, the few female friends i have left either are married or have children on their own. I never had a girlfriend i fear that if i go on dating, i can get perceived as immature for my zero experience on dating.
Other things is that i am not a person of going out. I hate partying, i don't drink, i don't like too much crowded places, so i barely go to concerts, i am into heavy metal and all the darkest variants as death metal, thrash metal, black metal, and similar genres, i am kind of anime freak fan, and i check info on tech news, i don't dance, i am militant atheist, my views about marriage is that is a complete utter fallacy that destroy the relationship, and i don't want to have children.
For me is hard, close to impossible, to find a woman around my age that i can date, that do not have children, and if is divorced have to deal with the ex.
For most of you i might sound like a choosing beggar, but i feel like i dont know at all how to date, and with my inability to read hidden signs i feel like I am a lost cause and my destiny is to die alone. What worsens things is that when i tried online dating i only had resultsof girls aroind 20-24 years old and somwhow that could be awkward because the age difference. And when i tried a result which was close enough, thw girl gets scared by the fact i am atheist.
The problem as well is that i dont know how to open space for that because my job is my priority. And looks like rhat i don't have any more time to find love.
@JohnDoe00
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all this. It sounds like a very difficult position to be in. I think you should applaud yourself for being proactive and taking steps here on 7 Cups though. That's huge! God bless & Best wishes for you in the future my friend!
A friend of mine has aspergers and had a lot of trouble finding a partner. He did a social skills training for people on the spectrum and met a girl who also had aspergers. They feel they have much more in common. For example, he likes comics, she likes horses. They both understand how much their hobbies mean to them and give each other space when they need it. He told me he just finds it easier being with someone who also has ASD.
I'm glad to be here and a part of this community thank you everybody.
@JohnDoe00 peace my brother
@JohnDoe00, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. As a person who almost gave up, I thought I would share a little bit of my story. I also HATE parties, bars, and other variants of the night life and found myself in a similar situation. Online dating? Yikes. Finally, I gave up. I joined some non-profit organizations that supported some of the causes I value since it was clear my free time wouldn't be full of romance any time soon. I'm also a work horse with a small child, so it filled the empty space on my calendar and helped me get outside of my head.
It wasn't immediate, but I eventually met someone who had many of the same goals and values that I held and we have been together around 4 years this August. And - the bonus was that it really helped me to get out there and feel like I was at least contributing something to my community. You mentioned being an atheist and I wonder if your community has any atheist organizations you could join and support? Or perhaps there are community groups for a hobby you are passionate about?
I feel for your situation and hope things get better for you soon!
@Hello67114 Hello. Well here is the issue. Ecen as atheist here are a few organizations, i am not fully on the loop of what is going on because here is still some how underground. I have not that sense of community because i tend to follow that everything should be linked by individual responsibility. I had some situations where serving to community was not satisfactory and i gave up on it. Here is a kind of catholic dominance where people tries to alienate you i you don't have any belief and is even worse if you question them.
@JohnDoe00
We at 7 cups love you! You are a part of our community!