Not enough

Im turning 33 in a few days.. sometimes I ask myself did I just waste my 33 years of existence? Im easy going happy and understanding. I used to have lots of friends but with all the bad experiences I learned to isolate myself. Im in a relationship now but I dont feel worthy. I dont feel secure. No assurance and that makes me more lonely. And because of that i felt so insecure to other girls. Well, I let those people hurt me I let them be wronged. Im just tired of them, tired of defending myself. Tired of explaining coz no one cares.