My life seemed like one big mess.

I was exposed to TBN and teachings about the rapture. Here I had this old 1993 book talking about how soon it was. Now I look at it and it wasn't soon at all and I just threw that damn book away because it taught that Christians would be raptured before the Tribulation. Now I'm realizing that it probably won't happen in my lifetime. My dad had big hopes that he would win thousands of dollars enough to make a better house. I ended up staying in that place and had to move to a very small home which had some big time problems like leaks and rotting flooring and faucet not lasting worth two cents. I still have had to help make another guest room so it would be big enough for an extra guest which has meant hauling out junk and having to give away stuff. I never thought it would end up that way. Dad would always order all those magazines and he kept ordering lots of them. So to my disappointment, I took after him. I was hoping I would have turned out a bit differently than that. I had so much that I had to throw a lot away too. I do admit it was pretty hard at times. I just felt I wasn't quite up to date when it came to technology and fashion. It was tough for me money wise to be able to buy up to date clothes and good shoes sometimes. I noticed I have had trouble letting things go and I have had obsessive thoughts about being this person who is neater and is more content and thinking someone hates me because I didn't clean up something or I didn't remember if I put something back or not. It has left me feeling confused and just questioning everything I was living for up to this time. It never dawned on me that I would have to combat the problem of stuff and that's why I came up with a better way to nip the problem in the bud.