Loved ones annoyed/angered and dismissive

@LaverneTheFern

You are absolutely not alone .....

i was reading your post just like it was my life.... had 3 dysfunctional siblings and my battles with depression or needing support seemed trivial compared to their constant chaos. I have chugged along life without help....... as friends and family treated me as if i was just complaining about nothing....

I tried therapy but also was met IMO with my issues were so minor ... other people had REAL problems type of feeling.

You and I both deserve our issues to be important enough for others to LISTEN. even here i tried 3 listeners here.

I find this place helpful as i do see many others with similar items to relate to..... and perhaps i can get ideas or perspective from many posts.

yes some far worse off then I but that does not make my issues trivial....... sometimes i wish people with similar issues could connect in a more one on one to dive deeper into some items as well.

even if it helps a little remember you are worth seeking therapy if YOU want not because others push that. i agree with your assessment i have spent far too much time re opening the same wounds.

Hi, I know what it feels like to not be able to open up about your struggles. I don't have advice, I'm just here to say I understand.

I stopped sharing with people who minimize my struggles and I feel better that way.

I agree that working with a therapist for your own sake will be very worthwhile. We all deserve to be met with kindness.

@LaverneTheFern Hi. It’s really hard to feel like there is no one we can really talk to. I have a relative that listened to me quite a bit when I needed to talk, but, it was her habit to try to make me feel better. It got frustrating. I felt like I would state a problem, she would pull out a “look on the bright side” or something like that, and I felt like I had to re-explain the problem, only to have her stay in that role of trying to fix things with happy rainbows. It was exhausting after awhile, but I have concluded that this is how she learned to listen. Another relative used to be a great source of wisdom and a person to go to when I was dealing with a tough situation, but she is less helpful now because she seems to have a “fixed” view of who I “am.” I hope you find other people who can actually listen. As for depression, I dealt with this for a long time and finally found something that really helped - Dr David Burns, “Feeling Good”. If you google his name and that title, he has a short TED talk video that gives a good summary of his treatment method. — All the best

I can relate to a lot of what you said.

I dont have a spouse or children but I found myself in relationship after relationship where I was constantly dismissed. Actually my relationships would mirror the most hurtful and subtle elements of my childhood.

I'm at a point now where I don't allow people in my inner circle that aren't willing to afford me the space I need. While that might not be feasible in your exact situation, I would really encourage you to do some personal development. Be the person you needed. Take time to give yourself space. Take some self care days.

Sometimes I send myself Marco polo videos so I can get stuff off my chest.

Find better people, period. Either through social events or taking up a class or something. Having a support system is incredibly useful for healing.

I can only speak on the bio family side and with that I told each of them "if you want a relationship with me, I need this from you" meaning I also need to be heard, validated, comforted,etc. In order to have a relationship. Only one of them acted on that and that's the only one I have a real connection with.

A sad reality is that people will take and take and take until you set up boundaries for yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.

I am polyamorous and do have a romantic partner currently and he has been teaching me that relationships need to feel safe. It sounds like you don't have that safe space in your life currently.

I'm sure you and your spouse have some fondness, understanding for each other. So maybe it would do well to take him out for a day to just talk and get things out. Maybe let him know that when he invalidates you, it hurts and ask him for support in a specific kinda way. Something like "when I'm feeling like this, could we go on a walk or a drive" or something like that.

Perhaps your children also don't understand how this condition affects you. Teenagers (by nature) also tend to experience a lot of intense emotions. Perhaps you could use that as a metaphor to help them understand. "Remember how anxious you felt when so and so didn't text you back. Imagine that but constantly" or something like that.

The same with your husband. Sometimes people are quick to dismiss because they can't see/feel your reality. So communication is very very important.

Having depressive episodes is like having a cold. Some people just get them more frequently. Some people get sick super easily. And some get sick for a long time. It's not reasonable to get mad with you for being sick.

I would also take stock of things that you do when you're depressed. Are there any hurtful actions you take when you're in those states? For me, I am prone to withdrawal which can come off as neglectful, dismissive, etc. So I have to be mindful and communicate to my partner/friends "hey, just letting you know that I love you and that there's a lot on my mind and heart today so I might not be as present today".

Depressive episodes are temporary but not getting the care and support you need can extend them.

I feel like I'm rambling at this point but I hope this helps.