Learning to be Alone

Hello, I’ve been separated from my ex for nearly two years. She doesn’t allow me to talk to my kids or see them. I have been thinking about going to see a lawyer. Her and I were together for 17 years and we have 3 children.

We separated in January of 2021. We had moved to where her family is located because I found a really, really good job there. I thought it would be good for the kids to have some family. So, from January until June, 2021, I picked the kids up to see them. We were in a pandemic and everything was closed; it made it really tough. When I found a one bedroom I could take them for a couple days which, thinking back now, we’re so nice.

My ex showed up at my one bedroom one day mid-June. She said she had a man living at her apartment that she wanted to get rid of. She said she wanted to make things work between us again. I decided I would do that. We spent the next two months crammed in my one bedroom as a family again.

We had always wanted to move to South Carolina near my family. We used to visit there a lot to see my grandparents and spend time on their farm. We had so much fun there. We would go out on the lake and fish. We would truly enjoy the famous southern cuisine and all the south has to offer that the far north does not.

In an attempt to save my marriage, I wanted to make that plan happen for us. I moved to South Carolina at the end of August, 2021. She stayed there to finish out her lease. Our plan is as for her and the kids to come down in November/December. It was a good plan because I could get everything setup for us and find a nice place.

She came down for a week and then left to move back to where her father lives. I don’t want to live where her father lives. There is no work for me there. It was not fair for her to do that. I bought all the gifts for the kids. I was happy she took them. It was nice for me to do that one last time.

I talked with the kids on the phone after she left South Carolina. We talked on the phone from January until, around, May. I thought we would start doing visits with the kids. About a month ago, she popped up in the video chat when I called. She said she found someone else and won’t be allowing me to see the kids anymore. She changed her number and email. She said take her to court.

I don’t feel like I deserve this. I was always the best father according to her. It’s like when she left me I became less. I feel discarded. They were all I know. I’m not a very social person so I have spent a lot of time alone since. I’m getting upset even writing this.

I hope I can move on and be a better person. My perspective is so dreary. I haven’t been happy since.