Kicked to the Curb.... And now Starting Over.
Hi all- I really need to vent about my situation. Any advice or kind words would be appreciated 😊
In 2018, I met my ex. We worked together in my hometown (Philly area) and he decided that he wanted to move back to his hometown (the deep South) to start a medical practice. Since I have clinical and business experience we decided while he would be the provider, I would manage the business. I thought we were a match made in heaven from our personalities as well as our career ambitions. He told me all the words that I wanted to hear and truly believed that he was the one for me.
He ended moving first while I wrapped up some loose ends. We were long distance for a few months and that's when I started getting the feeling that I didn't trust him (I should have listened to my intuition). But, I moved anyways and started my new journey. While I was in the south, I worked along side of him 6 days a week and was finishing up a degree full-time. He and I renovated a commercial property as well as our personal property.
When I first moved down there, we had to stay with his parents for a few months. They seemed to love me, but would always triangulate me against his ex's. I thought this was weird. The more I got to know his mom especially and heard stories about how my ex was raised, I could tell she was potentially narcissistic and definitely borderline abusive. They are the typical wealthy southern family that likes to look impressive out in public, but behind closed doors, were very cold/abusive.
His mother tried to take advantage of me a few times, but I always and respectfully made my boundaries clear. This was a big mistake and the beginning of the end of my relationship. I'm pretty sure negative things were said to him about me and he started to believe them. He, too, over time became cold towards me. It was a truly awful time as I was so busy with work/school and then having to worry about our relationship. Since his family didn't apparently like me, I completely felt isolated and alone down there. The anxiety and stress was so unbearable, I stopped going to the gym and started drinking wine a few nights a week. I gained weight and was unhappy. He used my depression as ammo against me, turning things around and pinning the reason of our fights on to me. Who he was in the beginning to at the end of our relationship was like night and day. From a loving person to someone who was calculating and cold.
He eventually cheated on me. I knew he was seeing someone else, but would tell me I was being crazy or that he was just too focused on work. He broke up with me saying that it just wasn't going to work, that he needed to "find peace with himself", and put all his energies into work. The downfall of our relationship still doesn't make sense to me.
I decided to move to a beach town closer up north to start fresh. He promised that we would remain friends and that the door was opened to try again after he "did what he needed to accomplish". A few weeks after I moved, he unfriended me on all social media and I found out through the grapevine that he is now in a new relationship. I was heartbroken.
It has been a tough 7 months. I had to move long distance, start a new healthcare managerial position, set up my place, deal with being alone, and deal with the depression/grief of my failed relationship. I feel like this is just such a tall order for me to deal with 😞
Thanks for listening!
@limegreenMaple1355 I feel your pain, Maple. What I see behind those words, though, is that you are the winner in this scenario. You'll end up much happier in the long run than someone who could not be honest with you and made disrespectful choices as he alienated himself from you. You have been through a lot, and you got to this point while living away from your community and support network, and that is amazing. I wish you awesomeness and success in the world as you move forward. Hang in there.
Thank you for the words 😁 I am trying to just keep moving forward, but I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants!
@limegreenMaple1355
That's a good way to describe it! My personal mantra is, You are worthy of respect. You have value in this world. I hope you are able to find someone who gives you respect and acknowledges what you have to offer. You deserve it.
@limegreenMaple1355
don’t be too hard on yourself. Those of us who have graduated from Hard Knox Technical University can tell you, emphatically, you are not alone. It really is a tall order to expect someone to take this betrayal and loss in stride, so give yourself the space to grieve. Rant, if you must, but be be done with it. Letting it fill your space, when you are alone, will diminish you over time.
You will get through, because you have a mission to help others. You have a lot to give. Let it be your strength.
Hard Knox… love it! Yes, I definitely let it eat me up and I dwelled on it for a bit. Got me to a really dark spot. But then I realized this jerk wasn’t worth throwing my life away for. I am way better from 7 months ago for sure, and still have a bit to go. Still learning to be easy on myself and that healing isn’t linear!
@limegreenMaple1355
Take one day at a time and breathe