A change in our life while in the 40s
Why is it that when we reach our 40s, some sort of midlife crises begins to set in. We start to reflect back on our life and what we've achieved or not achieved and what we are to look forward to for the remaining years of our life. It's seems there starts to be a lot of soul searching and an angst that develops, a sense of a lack of fulfilment perhaps or a need for a change. Who else feels like this and why? Is it normal and everyone goes through it as we are at that age or are there external factors that cause this or both? Sorry, so many questions!!
I try not to reflect on my life. Everytime I do I feel like a complete failure. I don't even own a home or property. People half my age have achieved tons more in there life then I have. My failure is all my own fault. I made the bad decisions and have to live with my choices.
I understand. It's not easy is it? There will always be aspects of our life that we are unhappy with, but it's how you cope with it and find ways to keep moving forward positively. We often learn more from our mistakes than our achievements.
I am feeling exactly the same way. I am 46 and have nothing to show for it except two wonderful children. But I am broke, I don’t own a home, and I can’t seem to stay in one job for very long. I have no solutions, just empathy.
Perhaps this is a good thing and not bad at all. Perhaps you've grown so much spirituality and emotionally over the years that you feel like connecting the dots now. What matters and what doesn't. What achievements matters and the things that aren't achieved, well, is this a negative thing? I believe the beauty of life is in how you perceive it to be. What you find important will be important. So actually, your own view on it matters most. And now, the most difficult part, at least for me. How gracious will you be to yourself in this evaluation of your life. Will there be a love for yourself, that has grown deeper, or that will grow deeper after this reflection.
Does your value depend on how much you have achieved? In my case, I would be unlucky if it would. In my view I've done nothing significant. Only in tiny moments and certain choices. So, in the midst of your reflection,.. be soft on yourself okay? ✨🌼
It has been hard to see others in my age group own a house or be financially set. My life has never had that blessing. I have lost friends to drugs and been in an abusive relationship for years. I am mad because I had my act together in my 30’s. Bought a new truck and trailer. Single mom raised 2 ReLly good boys. Both make me very proud. Best thing I have ever done! Then they left home and my next adventure was dating again. The relationship I got into was great the first few years until we moved far away from family and old life long friends. It well the first year. Then he got addicted to meth and that has always been my deal breaker. He kept in hidden for a year. Then all kinds of crazy started to happen. I tried to stay for two horrible almost killed me years. It was so toxic that I was left leaving with nothing. Walked away to save myself. Best thing I did. Camped for the first two weeks just trying to figure out my next move. What I have come to realize 2 years later is that while I was going through all that. I was getting myself a new job and making moves to get out. I had to remember I still touched many lives through my job. I have survived an abusive toxic relationship and came out stronger. More sympathetic to others as well. When talking with my friends. They had hard times too. Lost babies and infidelity. But the outsiders looking in don’t see we all struggle. We see social media which is only happy times. I’m glad I had faith and family to help me. I now look for the small things and appreciate them. I exercise when my mind won’t stop being depressed and I pray to take care of my soul. I will love again. I won’t let my past predict my future. Maybe we spend to much time looking outward at our friends and their lives instead of looking at we can do to better ourselves. I can only work on my faults and try to reflect how to make changes. My hope is, this group will also help make life not so lonely. Especially during the pandemic. It’s been super isolated when trying to meet new people or date. I just keep having faith it will not be like this for much longer.
honestAvocado8813 you've been through a lot and still trying to remain strong and level headed which is to admired. You're so right, that outsiders looking in don't see we all struggle. The past or what we go through now can haunt us and it becomes a huge struggle. However, we all need someone to lean on like good family or good friends. As long as we can remain strong headed and see the wood for the trees, then there's always a chance to self heal too. This pandemic hasn't helped either. I always live in hope that this pandemic is a short blip in our lives and we'll come through it even if the world won't quite be the same again.
Yes, this! The best advice I've ever received is that the angst comes from focusing on other people's lives and not our own. We either come out of our crises determined to turn our lives around or become bitter for the rest of our lives.
I have days when I feel rather sad and part of me feels I'm a bit in a hurry to live life a little bit and have fun and share the fun with people who would enjoy some activities that I do before I may not have the energy to enjoy them anymore. I don't know why I'm starting to feel this way. I started feeling this way when my dad was dying. All of a sudden, I'm beginning to think I don't have forever. I feel ugly wearing certain items I had for a while and recently had to get some clothes I felt better in and adapt to my changing not as pretty mid section, and I have had a bit of judgment about weight gain too. So I have exercised more and dropped some weight and I was smiling really big because then I stopped feeling less like I was getting old and fat. I have had some judgment on graying hair too and I have made it so that it blends in perfectly.
I have had times when I have dreaded the future thinking I'd lose my looks, more connections, and agility and then my self esteem would plummet from other's judgments. Part of me feels like now I have to be careful how I dress should I look too youthful and might get laughed at which can also hurt self esteem too.
I didn't have a lot of social life when I was young and I have agonized over the fact that I may not have the health or energy to be enjoy an active life anymore I felt I should have gotten much younger. It seems like I better not wait too long. Does there come a point when you're just too old to be still living a life strictly solo?
Hello fellow forty-somethings,
We have to remember that we are each running our own race. You don't have my strengths, weaknesses, situations and I don't have yours. It's sooo easy for us to compare our lives with others. But does it do us any good?
There are no medals for owning a house or having a child when we die. What really matters is how we treat ourselves and others. The race we are running is within. Are we a better person than we were yesterday? Were we kind, compassionate and courageous? Not only with others but with ourselves.
We're all losing the game where we compare ourselves with others. We have better chances when we treat ourselves and others with dignity and compassion.
Well...........In my case I am alone and lookinfg for someone to come in my life......what you guys think of I am 43 male.....do you think i should go for having new life partner in this age or i should live my life as it is ??