Would I be missed?
Struggling at the moment. I’ve worked all weekend so that my wife didn’t have to, both days I’ve felt like no-one cared that I wasn’t there, have come home and don’t feel like anyone other than the dog has missed me. They all just carry on as though I wasn’t there. My wife has barely said 2 words to me since I have come home, but has spent literally hours on her phone.
Anyone else experienced this previously, and other than walking away, how did you improve things?
Feeling very low self esteem right now, just wanting to be wanted and loved.
@Trex1983
It sucks to want to feel wanted and appreciated and when we think we will be SEEN and we are not it is worse. I think when we reach a point many say things like leave. That is not the answer.
It does help to find a quiet time with spouse and speak up. Tell them how you feel, and what is missing in your relationship. Do not sugar coat it.
Relationships are like your health they need to have check-ups and preventive care. If the disconnect includes your kids making time to connect with them is also important. so much harder the longer it goes on to fix and heal the divide.
Work is important ......but not enough to come home to a real empty home ... fix what you can now. So many wait think it will fix itself or someday things will work out that is a fantasy.....
@Trex1983
Last time when I had a couple therapy, our therapist suggested us some mindfulness exercise: the idea was to find a moment of the day to look with a smile into the partner's eyes and say "I see you 😊", with no distractors - not a telephone, not reading or watching TV at the moment. That relationship was doomed, but the therapy worked great.
How do you think, what could happen if you tried to take some more active role? Like knocking to the kids rooms, asking how was their day. Or trying to find some physical connection with your partner by hugging, touching her hand or just sitting in front of her. If you feel invisible, first try to be more noticeable - this is how it often works in my case.
The smartphone is really a nightmare of making a real connection between people nowadays. But earlier years people sometimes were hiding behind a newspaper or were glued to TV or PC. And still I think some simple ways like yelling "Hello. I am home!" or asking "What are you watching?" might be helpful.
Hi, A wife here with a husband who has felt exactly like you do right now.
i have an obsession with reading and also have a lot of hobbies that I like to bounce between (all hobbies i do at home). I tend to get very distracted by my books and various hobbies and I’m not that great at noticing when I get too deep in them and should “take a break”. My husband’s love language is touch/attention and mine isn’t. After many arguments we had to come to an agreement of sorts. He is aware of my ability to easily tune everything out and that all I need is for someone to tell me what they need to snap me out of it.
so we had a discussion and acknowledged we each had our own version of expectations/wants/needs, etc. I flat out told him to just ask/tell me that he wants to watch a movie together, play a board game, cook dinner together, or even just 15 minutes of snuggles on the couch (which can be hard with 2 small children). We agree no phone surfing etc during these times and I agreed not to get bent out of shape about being pulled away from a project or good book. He knows my books and hobbies are my version of “self care” and how I quiet the constant noises in my head. So maybe your wife’s phone surfing is her way of shutting off and you just need to calmly tell her what you need.
