Mid life crisis
Hi,
40 years old with a wife and two daughters. My eldest daughter (5 years old) dislikes me and prefer her mum heavily for no particular reason when she turns 2. Tried every single way to bond with her but I realized she will love anyone (even the newly hired domestic helper) except me.
My wife literally treats me as transparent. When she shares her things with me occasionally, i will do my best to advise and support her. When i share mine, she usually just brush me off.
My youngest is 6 months old, still a baby.
Previously, my work is the only place that validates my existence as a human having receiving praises and good feedback. But recently, i received my annual work appraisal that suggested otherwise. I asked and the answer i got is my performance has been good but they have no idea why it turned out this way when it went to top management which is a black box.
Now i feel so dejected and lonely with no one to turn to. My family treats me like some transparent reject and i dun have any friends to talk to as i was never one that is popular since i was a kid. I also have trust issue as my wife likes to make fun of my past ever since i shared with her. The sliver lining is that she is the only one i shared it with so there won't be a second person using it as a leverage. She makes me lose the little bit of trust i have with ppl.
@Swfit Hey there, I hope that your doing better. This sounds very serious if it is really serious you can consult a therapist, it might sound weird but when you need one you can get one. I don't know much about life in general but things will get better soon. Maybe you can take them to a theme park/amusement park for some family bonding or watch a movie together. I hope that this might help, I hope that it'll get better soon just wait and keep up the positive attitude. :)
Hi, thank you so much for the kind words. Tried. Let's just say i felt and was treated just like the stranger and uber driver of the group. Being excluded and stuff. Felt more lonelier together than alone unfortunately. Still thinking and trying things to change this.
@Swfit Hey there, You got this there is someone out there that would like a friend like you or is in the same situation like you, don't give up. I hope for the best and that everything will get better.
My youngest son hated my husband/his dad until the age of 8. When my husband would pick him up from preschool, our son would cry and throw his shoes at my husband. This created resentment in our marriage because I had to do everything for our child and I felt like I had no support. When I would ask my husband to help, he would throw his hands in the air and say, "he won't let me". It was hard for us both. We ended up going to marriage counseling and also took our son to therapy. The therapists were somewhat helpful but ultimately the only thing that really help was time and a lot of continued effort from my husband. He tried many things to win over our son and eventually found things that worked and allowed them to bond. Outdoor activities and yard work seemed to be the key to their relationship. I swear, something switched when he saw my husband cut down a small tree with a chain saw. He had a sudden interest and maybe even respect for his Dad. It took another 2 years after that for my son to allow his Dad to put him to bed. All I can say is keep trying. Spoil the heck out of your child to gain their interest and continue to think of ways to connect. Be as fun as you can be. I hope this helps. Sometimes it just takes time. Hang in there!
Thank you and this was what i believed in too. I just felt discouraged when ppl around me spent zero to no effort and won over the kid while i keep trying like some loser. But i know i should not give up but it just feel so demoralising sometimes making little to no progress while the others dun even need to try. It is like hating me is a natural way of life and I was born to be hated. Appreciate the sharing, really.
I felt really sorry for u
Today they went out without me and i drove around to look for them. Found them having a meal, sat down and tried to interact with them. While i was returning the tray, they left without me leaving me alone in the eatery.
Now i am just sitting alone in the eatery wondering why did i even bother in the first place.
Actually, i am having thoughts of moving out to get away from this. It is so tiring.
It sounds like your wife is not helping the situation. Have you tried to sit down with her and come up with some shared goals around the situation?
You want to build a better relationship with your child and a stronger family. Does your wife want this too or is she preventing it from happening? These things can be tough to discuss when there is a lot of baggage/resentment.
Could you ask her what your role would be in the family in her ideal picture? Then ask if she's willing to help you get there. Maybe explain how hurt you feel that you can't connect with the family.
I did talked to her but not as detailed as comprehensive as u suggested. She said i am just over reacting and usually brush me off. She dun like talking to me anymore. Everyone just like her naturally and she dun even need to try or put in effort to. Which is why i think she will not be able to understand and is so indifferent.
I took the time to send my kid to school every day to bond and rush to work after that for the past month. Committed all my after work time to play with her but to no vain. She naturally just dislike me for no particular reason and treated me like a ghost. I feel like moving out to get away from all this. Felt very stressed and hated everyday at home and my life at work has not been going well either.