Getting a divorce after 12 years

Don't worry everything is going to work out 🙏 have patience. Sometimes things don't go as we planned, they go as they should.

My ex-husband is moving out on Friday.

Today is Wednesday.

His parents are dropping off their car tomorrow, Thursday, and check out his paint job he has been working on for the past week at his new apartment. I have been missing him every night while he painted everyday after work. I realized that I still look forward to seeing him at home.

Next Monday, I am receiving my keys for my new apartment at 8:45 and then signing for my three-month notice for my current apartment. And I am going back to my new apartment again to take measurements. Today, I caught myself imagining me telling him about this hectic day because it will be an hour trip between the two places. Then I realized that he is not going to be there on Monday.

I am going to sleep alone in this apartment on Friday, Saturday, until I move out on the 15th.

I can't believe this is happening. It does not seem like he is going to miss me. I can't believe how different we are now. He is just ready to move on without me and I still can't believe this is happening.

Thursday, he is going to use his parents' car to move whatever he can with it.

Friday, he is renting a truck and going to IKEA to buy furniture. (Now, I realize I should suggest to him that it might be better to pre-order them online so they can just be picked up but maybe he wants to check the furniture with his own eyes first.) He is going straight to his apartment and I will be alone.

I am scared. I know there is nothing to be scared about so I will try and remind myself that. I am really going to have to let him go. He has let go of me nearly a year ago. I will live life without him and this will be the norm. I will be fine.

I still have to finish my BA thesis. It has been a week and I have to hand it in tomorrow, Wednesday but it has been so difficult to focus. But I will do this. I can do this.

It has been a week since my last update.

The last night sleeping under the same roof was a Friday night. Because I thought Friday was going to be the last night, I had already thrown out his toothbrush and threw his towel in the hamper.

I don't have much to say about him. I am having a hard time forgiving the lies he had told me, harmless at the end but significant to me.

1. I am moving out on Saturday and I am really looking forward to it.

2. Yesterday I disassembled a 5x5 kallax all on my own and I am proud. I have another one to disassemble.

3. One of my fillings came out last week so I will go to the dentist today. I had just fixed two cavities a couple of months ago.

4. During his move out, I got to practice some driving on my ex-husband's parents' car. I might be able to rent a car on my own on Friday and try driving myself. We'll see.

5. It is has been proven that living alone IS a lot easier. I thought I would be lonely but with the moving, I am keeping myself quite busy and enjoying moments of rest, watching YouTube, drinking coffee and having cookies. It is actually pleasant. My parents worry about me but I am looking forward to settling in my new apartment and sending more frequent messages to them to let them know that I am doing just fine.

This thread has kept me grounded. At the beginning, I felt the need to express and let out. It has a different effect than writing a private journal. Maybe I will start a blog somewhere. I have worries for my future. I can be worried about the move, I can be worried about living in a small town, I can be worried about living in a foreign country all alone, I can be worried about my new job. But I am more looking forward to things now. I have that sense of "maybe I will be alright". But I also have the sense that I hope this positivity won't bite me from behind.

I will continue and do my best to be a good person. As someone I met, during this time had advised, "melt the stone in my heart".