Feeling Defeated
I’m 40 and have rented since I was 24. For the past 7 years almost, I’ve rented from my sister. When we first moved, the intention was to do a rent to own, but they could never decide what they wanted to do. We were comfortable here, but now with a preschooler we just want to be close to town and family and what not. We’ll never have the option to own this place.
An opportunity arose that was absolutely perfect. Next door to my parents, in town, close to school, neighbors I grew up with, great yard, etc. The owner was burned previously by the people and so he wasn’t sure if he’d sell or rent. I spoke with him for the past few weeks, as he was always outside cleaning up and when I’d visit my parents I’d visit and chat with him about the house. One day he decided he would owner finance to us but he needed some time.
i Prayed on it, decided to leave it in God’s hands. I wanted so badly to just be optimistic and gave faith and just let it be. I got my hopes up though and today he called saying he decided to let his daughter have it and she was gonna rent it for way too much. Even he admitted it was way too much, but I guess he just didn’t want to mess with it and his daughter had been hounding him for it.
To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I’ve been so upset all day because of it. I truly felt this was the opportunity we needed to get out of here. I had so much faith it would work out and my hopes were so high and now I feel completely defeated. We can’t buy outright and we won’t dare move to just rent again. It really was a perfect opportunity, and now, I just feel like what’s the point of even trying anymore.
evert time we try to do something positive we’re left defeated. I am having such a huge loss of faith lately due to a lot of other things, and I’m burnt out and just down and out and want to be happy and be like something else will come along but honestly I don’t want anything else anymore. I feel like giving up and being like screw it life just seems to want us stuck in this position forever. I initially didn’t even want to try for this place but kept getting pushed and now I feel like I should have never bothered.
My mom and spouse were both upset and kind of blamed the man but I don’t have the heart to be upset at them. They’re business people and from the beginning the daughter sounded pretty greedy. The man was very nice, but of course, you’ll do anything for your kids and this is what he’s doing for her, I get it. I can’t be mad at that, but I can’t help but be really upset. I guess I’m venting, but also, how do I just let it go? How can I change my mindset of being down about the loss and seeing the bright side I guess?
@rollingthunder Hi. You might try reframing the situation. You referred to this as a “loss.” But you never had it to lose. But you can keep losing it over and over again with each rumination. You asked, how do you “let go?” Well, change the question. How do I carry this? It’s heavy and disappointing, and it makes me sad, so how do I keep carrying this all over town, and up the stairs and around the house? How do I sleep with this heavy thing on my body? How do I take this thing to work with me? This thing is bulky and gets in between me and my partner. Yeah, I think I’ll hold on to this for awhile, at least a month. The event is the event - happened the way it happened and was out of your control. The suffering, you own that - you can keep it as salt to rub into the disappointment wound, or decide to put your attention elsewhere. Sometimes elsewhere is a distraction, perhaps a movie and a cold beer. Sometimes elsewhere is discovering the next potential solution to relocating.