Attachment issues
Hi all,
hope you are all well, just looking to share and looking for advice on attachment issues.
I have always struggled with this for a long time now. I’m a married man 2 children wife of 7 years been together 15 years we have a house both work full time and pretty much always on the go :).
My background as a child wasn’t the best and was pretty negative from what I can remember. I have read that these sorts of things things in childhood can have a impact as you get older.
Basically I left my parents home when I was 18 on bad terms very bad terms which for me was like the gates opening up and I was free. I was with my partner at the time who I’m still with now, I moved about on my own for a bit different flats, bed sits anything I could get and afford. My wife stood by me all the way her father said I should move in with them :) (bingo) so I did this. For a few years I lived there and I could do a thing wrong her parents worshiped the ground I walk on. (May because of the type of person I was and was very caring and loving for there daughter) also the respect I had for them as adults been there opposite to how I had been brought up.
This may have been the start of the attachment issue I latched onto my wife as it’s was the best thing that had happened to me since been at home for all those years. Time goes on and I struggled massively with emotional needs, how to express myself and still to this day I still do now.
I very rarely put my own needs first and don’t have many best best friends who and we’re I can completely open up to as I see it as a weakness. There plenty of other things I could waffle on about.
Im at this crack on the road at the moment where things have been a little unsettled in the relationship I’m looking for more attention from my wife and can’t always see why she can’t do this. I expect her to get back to me when I have messaged her. I need that physical connection to make my self feel okay. If it not quiet right I feel there’s something wrong. Because of suffering from loss at a young as I have the same fear now. What if she is unhappy with me (although she says she not) a lot of thing go round your head and your mind runs wild.
Are there any coping strategy out there to help with attachment issues. Is it has anyone else been through the same sort of things.
Thanks all :)
@affectionateStrawberries2307
Hello, I am BubblegumPuppy68
I have read your post and I understand how this can become a problem in your marriage and to your own sanity. I have dealt with attachment issues. You are not alone in this struggle. My first suggestion is for you to journal when and what triggers these feelings maybe include what had transpired prior to the rising of that feeling. This stems from something that happened maybe in childhood that caused the problem. I would also suggest that you seek a Therapist to help you identify and work through this. 7cups has a Therapist that charges a small fee or one that you can go see will help a great bit. It would be really hard to do this on your own. Goggle has some information on books or information.
I wish you the best, and please start your journal so you can begin to see what triggers you react to which will be a good help with therapy
@affectionateStrawberries2307
Thanks for being so open and vulnerable in sharing. I relate to your post a lot regarding attachment issues as an adult that stem from childhood. I've struggled with the need to seek external validation most of my life but in the last few years therapy has really helped me work on that. Skills like learning to identify triggers, unhook the causes of them, and how to self-soothe are definitely easier to navigate with the help of a therapist. On your own you could try to learn how to be more assertive, as well as how to identify, honor, and express your emotional needs authentically and directly. Also every day practice of acceptance of yourself and others and the habit of doing affirmations everyday would be helpful too.
Again I highly recommend finding a therapist while you navigate this as they will provide a secure attachment to allow you to grow and become more autonomous as you work on yourself.
Take care!
@affectionateStrawberries2307
Thanks for being so open and vulnerable in sharing. I relate to your post a lot regarding attachment issues as an adult that stem from childhood. I've struggled with the need to seek external validation most of my life but in the last few years therapy has really helped me work on that. Skills like learning to identify triggers, unhook the causes of them, and how to self-soothe are definitely easier to navigate with the help of a therapist. On your own you could try to learn how to be more assertive, as well as how to identify, honor, and express your emotional needs authentically and directly. Also every day practice of acceptance of yourself and others and the habit of doing affirmations everyday would be helpful too.
Again I highly recommend finding a therapist while you navigate this as they will provide a secure attachment to allow you to grow and become more autonomous as you work on yourself.
Take care!
@affectionateStrawberries2307, It is good to hear you have met and have a family that values, respects and cares for you. It is understandable how much you are attach to them especially your wife. She is like the float you have held on to , all these years in the sea of life. In some way, she is also your anchor as she has help you to stay grounded.
She has helped you but you are this strong good person you are now because you have worked hard , you have focussed and you have practised values. Perhaps you are not appreciating your effort and doubt your own ability and capacity hence you want reconfirmation from your wife. Maybe you could speak to a listener or someone you trust to further look into this aspect of attachment.