Not sure where else to write this

I guess I just want to get this off my chest. And maybe if anyone else has felt the same way?

I’m currently on day three of my paid time off from my job. The last three days have just been down right boring. Then again, the last few days have been -11°F plus the snow, so I guess it’s cabin fever? I don’t know but I’ve been putting things into perspective I guess.

I’ve been thinking about it since last night that I guess I am lonely? Like if I’m not at work, I really don’t have much going for me or much to do. I do have my boyfriend (we don’t live together) but he works constantly, pretty much every day. We talk thru *** messenger and the times that we do spend time together, he ends up falling asleep right away because he works so much.

I do still live at home with my mom, but she goes into work early at 5am and doesn’t come until about maybe 3pm or 4pm. When she does come home, she tells me about her day, but she also goes to sleep pretty early because she’s tired from work.

I have internet friends but I know they have their own lives to live outside of the internet, plus time zones plays a role too in delayed messages sometimes. As far as “in real life” friends, I don’t talk to any of them. I haven’t talked to or hung out with any of them for years. Most of them are married now or have kids so I feel like I wouldn’t be able to relate to them and I’m sure they’re also busy raising their kids or working. Plus it would just feel kind of awkward trying to reconnect with people who haven’t bothered to reach out to me for so long either.

I don’t have any siblings and I’m not close with any of my cousins except for one but she lives pretty far and is also married.

I know that a lot of this sounds like excuses or that I’m complaining, and that I created most of these problems myself which I’m not denying that I didn’t. But I guess it just feels really isolating to realize that if I’m not working, then I’m at home all day doing nothing. I don’t need someone to do something with but I guess it’s hard to find the motivation to do something fun by myself. I’ve tried brainstorming and even looking online to find something to do to preoccupy myself but nothing really sparked any interest.

Even tonight, I’m a little hungry but I have no motivation to make anything. Even when I tried to make something, it was unappetizing to me. Everything just doesn’t seem appealing to me.

So I don’t know. I guess I’m just the one who has the problem. Maybe when I go back to work I’ll ask if they offer a payout for vacation time because I don’t feel like doing all of this all over again.

thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far.